Fallen Angel
by Wings of a Wolf
Summary: Suguru was once part of a band called Fallen Angel, but due to a great tragedy the band dissolved. Suguru decides to start it up again, but how long until the others realize he's Tenshi, the famous singer? Tatsuha/Suguru, OMC/Suguru. OLD FIC!
1. Overshadowed

_Wolf- This is my first Gravitation fic ever. I really hope that it comes up to par, but don't hesitate to help me out with things. Anyway, read and review, and hopefully you like it. It's (strangely enough, I think) Tatsuha/Suguru._

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gravitation. I DO own some Gravitation mangas, but I bought those. I own the two clips of song that come after Shuichi's song. I also admit to owning the plot, and owning up to the fact that I've never read Gravitation fan fiction. But no Gravitation anime itself. Sorry. I bet I could do a lot with the plot, like making Hiroshi gay! (starry-eyed) Not that he isn't bi already. Y'know... Eiri, Shuichi, and Hiroshi would make a damn good threesome._

--

**Overshadowed**

Suguru brushed a pale hand through his hair. He had been up for hours, practicing on his newest keyboard piece for Bad Luck. It was complicated, almost impossible to master, but he loved the challenge. Sometimes he believed that was the reason he had stayed with Bad Luck in the first place. The band was a challenge by the very nature of the people in it and the people that managed it. Shindou Shuichi was funny, cute, and had the charismatic voice that drew people to him. Hiroshi was the guitar player, so complicated in the very way he thought and talked. Hiro was impossible to explain. Then there was the ever-nervous producer Sakano and the gun-toting manager K. Everyone just seemed to fit together in a weird, wacky way.

_'But where do _I_ fit in?'_ Suguru wondered with a sigh. His chocolate eyes studied the rain falling down as if it were some new chords that he had to learn.

_'I'm the one that's most dedicated to music. Shindou told me that once Hiro said he was going to quit, and I'm sure that Shindou himself would stop if his precious Yuki said something. But then again, who knows what he would do. He's an odd guy.'_

Sighing again, the keyboardist looked back into the living room, away from the rain and towards his keyboard. It was standing there all innocent, waiting for him to come back. He rolled his eyes. It was only too rich. The keyboard was beckoning to him, talking to him without saying a thing. Kami-sama, he loved that thing. But what he really wanted to do now was something only Shuichi had been allowed to do. Smiling, he let soft, sweet innocent words slip from his throat. Though Shuichi had almost trashed this song, he had stolen a copy and spiced it up a bit.

_"Destiny is unstoppable..._

_I've tried laughter, I've tried tears; but it always overpowers me_

_It doesn't care a thing about my fears_

_It takes my love and it devours me."_

Fujisaki Suguru got up and walked over to the keyboard once again, letting a mask slip over his features. He loved singing. But there was no way he was going to get to with Shindou around. Once again he felt a brief surge of anger, but it died down. Shuichi was too... whatever he was for Suguru to stay mad at him for long. It wasn't really his fault. He hadn't wanted to screw up the dreams that the dark-haired keyboardist had had of not being exactly like his cousin. The dreams he had of singing to the world in that pure voice.

He was everything wrapped up in one, composer, singer, instrumentalist. He just didn't have a chance now.

He set his fingers on the gently worn keys of the keyboard and began to play their newest song. Shuichi's song.

--

_"What do you think of this life?_

_Is the first thing ya think of all our strife?_

_If I turn around, what'll be going on_...

_If you get it wrong, I'm gone."_

Ukai Noriko raised a plucked lavender eyebrow at the song Suguru was softly singing as he walked in the door, closing it gently as usual. He was first to the studio, as always, and was the last to leave. To get back to the song, she had only heard in once before. Only once, and she went through every radio station, no matter what language.

_'It's a Fallen Angel song... Well, at least it isn't that song he's taken to singing, Shuichi's much-hated-by-Yuki song.'_

"Noriko-san!" the teenager exclaimed, red-brown eyes lighting up. It was clear he wanted to run over to her, but he was restraining himself. He walked, albeit rather quicker than usual.

"You're helping out again?" Noriko nodded, eyes flashing with slight pleasure. She may yell at him sometimes with the rest of the group, but mostly she tried to refrain. She had been very close to him ever since his mother had died when he was nine. His father had died the year after from grief.

"Yup!" she said cheerfully. "How are you, Suguru-kun? Did you take my advice from last time?" Suguru's head bobbed up and down. Even as they talked of music things, Noriko couldn't help but think of how frail Suguru still was. Ever since three years ago... but she had promised both herself and him that she wouldn't think about it. So she didn't.

"La li ho!" the pink-haired menace cried as he sped into the room. Unlike when the keyboardist had come in, the door slammed. Suguru turned around to see brightly sparkling eyes. He thought of them as true amethyst, as clear and pure as his own russet eyes were unclear. Shuichi had a type of innocence that Suguru thought he no longer possessed, no matter what his voice sounded like.

Noriko's eyes grew stern as soon as she saw him.

"I'm surprised," she hissed threateningly to him. Even he looked nervous as he shrugged off his backpack and coat, leaving on a white T-shirt and skin-tight black shorts. "You're actually on _time_ for once."

Shuichi giggled nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "Back so soon, Ukai-san?" He didn't dare leave off the honorific lest the explosive hired gun, an ex-Nittle Grasper, forget all morals and murder him.

"Yes, I'm back," she said, changing her voice to saccharine sweet. "And I'm guessing we have work to do. Get in that room," - here she pointed to the recording studio, where a microphone was set up - "And warm up. Nakano should be here soon, and when he is..." She trailed off warningly, leaving Shindou's mind to it. Gulping, he fled to warm up.

"Where's Mr. K, anyway?" Suguru asked once the attention was turned off the main star. Always the main star of everything. But no, he wasn't resentful at all. Well... maybe a little. Okay, okay. A lot.

Noriko giggled slightly, covering her mouth with hands that sported sharp fingernails. These were the things that Shuichi was afraid of. It was said that they could scratch very deeply, but Shuichi had been fortunate enough to avoid them as of yet.

"He got put in jail," she informed him, "For carrying a gun around in a place with some ambassadors. It wasn't pretty, and he still hasn't gotten out. Which, for him, is a feat." Suguru nodded in agreement that this was amazing. K was practically _unable_ to get caught. Then he turned around and headed in with Shuichi to warm up. His newer, Bad Luck keyboard was sitting there, waiting. Thing was, he loved his older home-practice keyboard more. It still had a small marking in paint on it that said "Fallen Angel". Not that anyone would know what that meant. Slender fingers ran over the keys. His black jacket slipped up slightly to reveal deeply scarred wrists. No one saw. No one payed attention to him. Only Shuichi in the spotlight. _Always_ Shindou in the spotlight.

--

_And yet... has my time wasted away?_

_Destiny's game has gone too far into play_

_What do you think about my life?_

_All I can think of is the strife_

His name was Uesugi Tatsuha. Sixteen years old, black hair, rather pale features. He was a monk. He didn't want to be. He never had, but with Eiri gone he had been pushed by his father to follow in the plans that had been laid for his brother. He had to become a monk to keep his father off Yuki's back.

_'I'm not unhappy,'_ he mused as he meditated in one of the smaller shrines of the temple. Meditation could either be a clearing of the mind to peace or it could be thinking long and hard about one's problems. Though he was supposed to be doing the former, he had decided on the latter.

_'I can't really be unhappy. I _believe_ in all of this, so it isn't all bad. It isn't as if this is some strange and completely foreign religion. Buddhism is all I've ever really known, so that isn't it. Maybe it's because...'_

His mind flashed to Sakuma Ryuichi and then back to his problems. There was a reason he was so "in love" with his "dear sweet Ryuichi". It wasn't just that they guy was completely hot. In fact, that had very little to do with it. It had more to do with his personality. The way it changed and shifted. It was amazing. Even that wasn't the full reason, though. He didn't just like Ryuichi, though he didn't vocalize the others as much. He greatly admired Seguchi Tohma as well, and Ukai Noriko. It was the whole band that captured his attention.

_'They all have talents,'_ is what he decided, _'They all have something that they're good at, that they can do. Tohma's synth, Noriko's keys, and Ryuichi's vocals. What've I got? I'm sixteen and good-for-nothing except for funerals. I hate to say this (not), but I hope that the bastard (as Eiri would say) will hurry up and die. Then I can leave the temple in his beloved pupil's care and can go on my merry way. If I had any guts then I would leave now, but I apparently don't.'_

Tatsuha opened his eyes with a sigh and stood up, stretching his stiff muscles. Going on about his business like he cared for it, as usual. What he didn't know was that, in a strange way, he might get his real wish.

--

Suguru sighed as he always did, letting the keys fall to the stand with a clatter. He slipped off his boots and let his jacket fall to the expensive floor heedlessly. His apartment was fairly tiny, with a tiny kitchen, bathroom, and even bedroom. It was in a good part of town and had the largest living room he had ever seen, even in his cousin's mansion.

Feets scuffing on the floor, he headed instictively in the direction of the kitchen. The living room was hardly neat as he walked through it. It had his keyboard, a couch, a widescreen TV, a guitar, and a few books lying around. Although fairly cluttered with things, there were no papers and it was dust-free.

As he headed out of the room to the hall that connected to the kitchen, he stopped to look at his calender. His blood ran cold as he saw the next day's date. _'How could I have forgotten that it's tomorrow...'_

"July 6," he said bitterly. "The day I was born, the day that I died." It was an ironically lyric statement, but considering who he had been that wasn't strange. He never wanted _anyone_ to talk about what had happened today. Never. It was his matter, and it was his to discuss.

_'To Shindou and the rest,'_ he thought, even his thoughts tinged with bitterness, _'I should be seventeen. Too bad I had to lie. Tomorrow I'll be fifteen.'_

He clenched his fists, but that made the scars at his wrists stretch uncomfortably even after all this time. Easing up, he walked into the kitchen to make some dinner.

It was also ironic that the day that was his birthday was the day Shuichi would get to put some of his own songs in a performance. Overshadowed, always.

_**exit Fallen Angel**_


	2. Going Under

_Wolf- I'd like to thank everyone that reviewed. I was afraid I wouldn't get any more reviews since after Iw as kicked off, so thank you! Anyway, I do not own any piece of Gravi except seven or eight manga (I'm still trying for the next)._

_Wings- And even those she didn't buy herself. She begged, screamed, and kicked like a little brat to get them._

_Wolf- (glares) Another word out of you and it's the OC bin for you. Don't you glare at me! Stupid ungrateful angst muse... You're gonna have a lot to do this chapter because of this! Sorry Suguru, but it's gotta happen._

_THANK YOU REVIEWERS! I LOVE YOU TO PIECES! And yes, I have read up to when Suguru gets in the manga._

--

**Going Under**

Suguru could feel nerves rising in his throat as he peeked out the curtain. The crowd was screaming, excited. They wanted to see Bad Luck and they wanted to see it _now_. Ever since their first CD had come out, they had been loved by a whole lot of people.

Drawing back, Suguru also bit back nausea. Resisting the urge to run hands through his hair, which was fully of sparkly gel that made it slightly spiky underneath his hat, he began to adjust his clothes. He tried to make it so the black leather pants he had been forced into weren't so tight. He also had on a sleeveless mint green silk shirt, black metal bands around his wrists. Light chains went over top of those, flailing around when he moved, but even with all this, he couldn't upstage Shuichi. The pink-haired singer looked not so done-up. He looked more natural, more at ease. Loose black cargo jeans, a sleeveless white shirt, and a black leather trench coat was all he needed to look great. While he looked perfectly happy with what he was at the moment, Suguru looked uncomfortable.

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you_

_50 thousand tears I've cried_

_Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you_

_And you still won't hear me_

_Going under_

"Hey Suguru!" someone said cheerfully. Before he ever turned around, bright chocolate eyes lit up. He could feel his green hair fall into his eyes as he whirled around, undeniably cute.

"Cousin!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around the man. The N-G producer looked amused as he hugged his young cousin. They looked vaguely the same age as each other, though Tohma was twenty-odd years older.

"Are you here to watch us play?" he asked excitedly. He was always happy to see Tohma. Since Seguchi Tohma was a producer, he was always busy, and Surguru always missed him. But the older man shook his head.

"Not exactly," he said with a smile. His voice was low, sweet, and deceptively innocent. "What kind of family would I be if I didn't come up for your birthday?"

Suguru's smile faltered but didn't completely failed. They had been so busy preparing for this concert tonight that he had almost forgotten.

"It's your birthday, Suguru-kun?" Shuichi questioned, jumping up and down. His bright hair was spilling all over his head with reckless abandon.

"How old are you?" Hiroshi asked, setting down his guitar.

Almost indistinctively the boy stiffened, but he still answered in a guileless voice, "Seventeen." His cousin frowned but didn't say anything.

"Cool!" Shuichi exclaimed, oblivious. "You're actually older! I somehow just thought you couldn't change, Suguru! You shoulda told us! We'd of thrown you a party, with balloons, and candles, and..." His eyes took a dreamy cast, but Suguru quickly and neatly interrupted that train of thought.

"No thanks, Shuichi. My birthday isn't really anything to celebrate anymore."

Boots thumping slightly as he walked, he turned away from both friends and cousin to warm up. Sighing, Tohma was glad that Noriko was here too. He didn't think he'd be able to handle this on his own.

--

When he had heard that Bad Luck was having a concert, he had gotten a ticket from his brother instantly and went over. His father hadn't been too happy, of course, but he had decided to go anyway. Bad Luck was like Nittle Grasper in the strangest way, even though the music wasn't too much alike. Even though he could have the original now, he liked Bad Luck for it's own music. The crowd roared around him, impatient to hear the band. He could barely hear anything over them, but luckily he was fairly near the speakers. Not too near to get his ears blasted out, but near enough.

"LET'S WELCOME BAD LUCK!" someone screamed through a microphone. The lights of the half-disk stage flickered on, revealing Shuichi in front with the other two behind him. With a sexy smile, his eyes lit up and his trench coat flared.

"This is a song for everyone out there who has a problem with those damn little things," 1 he stated. His voice throbbed through the speakers, and Tatsuha let himself become lost to the music.

--

Angrily, Suguru slammed the door shut, throwing his boots off and his keys once again on the stand. Glaring, he strode in the living room, where he allowed his fingers to fly over the keys. Even that didn't help, and it usually calmed him. Fuming, he slammed his hands down. The keys made an abrupt sound, infuriating him with the lack of music. He leaned over and let the tears slip down his face.

_'I have to leave before Cousin Tohma get's here. I've done it every year. He practically expects it. I just... have to leave.'_

_Don't want your hand, this time I'll save myself_

_Maybe I'll wake up for once_

_(wake up for once)_

_Not tormented daily defeated by you_

_Just when I, thought I'd reached the bottom_

He stormed into his bedroom, leaving the door open behind him. Even as he started to slip off his leather, he opened the dresser to scavenge for a pair of jeans. His performance clothing fell to the floor as he shrugged different clothing on. A short-sleeved white shirt, black jeans, a ragged denim hat to cover up the hair he was growing out longer. But in his hand he found a black denim jacket. Without warning, he felt more tears leak out as he looked over everything, even the little rip on the sleeve. He pulled it on and spun around to head towards out. Hopefully Tohma wouldn't be here yet. Hopefully...

"Suguru? Are you in there?"

It was his cousin. Stilling his face, he managed to make it look like he had never cried. He didn't have much to do with that. The tears always just slipped silently down his face in wet trails, made of pure sorrow. It didn't make his face red anything. It wasn't fueled by the mix of anger that most people's tears were.

_I'm dying again_

"Suguru? Dammit. I didn't get here in time. Noriko-chan, let's--"

"Looking for me, Cousin Tohma?" Suguru said as he walked in, face full of cheer. He could even manage to smile, faking the expression in a way that both he and his cousin shared. That false smile, practiced and even.

His cousin, with the lilac-haired Noriko beside, looked a bit shocked. His moss green orbs shone a bit in confusion.

"Hiiiii Suguru. Umm, happy birthday?"

Suguru smirked slightly. Tohma was uncomfortable, for once obvious, playing with his neck belt with long fingers plucking at it.

"Happy birthday squirt," Noriko said briskly, seeing that for once Seguchi Tohma was unable to speak. "Wanna go out or something? Who cares if it's nearly midnight? All the good clubs open now. Let's party!" She cheered her own idea, smiling. She was worried about Suguru too.

"No thanks, Riko-san. Feel free to go yourself, though. And..." He trailed off, quickly thinking. _'I have to ask. I've been meaning to. But I have to get out of here...'_ "Tohma, is there any way to get a different synth player for Bad Luck?" he blurted out. To say that Tohma looked shocked was an understatement.

"Why?" the former Nittle Grasper asked in disbelief. Noriko saw it instantly and thwopped him on the head with little patience. Wincing, he didn't even have time to rub the back of his head before she started.

"Don't ya see, Tohma-chan? He's the cutest keyboardist ever, but he always is behind that brat Shindou. I never liked him... Alright, maybe I did, but that's beside the point. He's a brat now." Pouting, she crossed her arms over her ample chest.

Suguru gave a small, real smile. "The fact that I was only doing it as a favor to my cousin beside the point," he pointed out. "None of us ever thought that Bad Luck would actually make it big." Regretfully, both nodded. "And to be honest..." he murmured so low that they could barely hear, "I wanted to start up Fallen Angel again."

Tohma's eyes filled with understanding at last, gentle and comprehensive. He smiled.

"I guess I can live with that," he remarked lightly. "Your cousin Quatre Winner, the one that looked almost exactly like me? He's one of the best, better than me even. About as good as you. He can do it. He'll be thrilled, even." 2

Suguru smiled lightly again. "Sure, cuz. Now I have to get going. Arrange it, please? My next jam session with Bad Luck will be my last." Giving a mock smile and a fake jaunty wave, he nearly pushed them aside to get to the door. Leaving Noriko and Tohma to look at each other in discomfort. Understanding. Sorrow. Regret. A million things that they could never express with simple words.

--

_I'm going under (going under)_

_Drowning in you (drowning in you)_

_I'm falling forever (falling forever)_

_I've got to break through_

_I'm going under_

He had made it to the park, but only that far. He was crumpled under a willow tree, tears streaming out his eyes fast and furious. He wiped them on the sleeve of his jacket as he tried to think of what his cousin had once told him. The one time that he had actually spoken of his true dream and why he just couldn't...

_"So you want me to become the keys player of a newbie band called Bad Luck?" he questioned. "How is _that_ going to be the solution to anything?"_

_Tohma ran a hand through his pale blonde hair and tapped a pencil eraser-end first on the desk. He made an imposing figure behind that desk, childish-looking or no._

_"You said..." he began slowly. His whole body seemed like a sigh. "...that you can't do it anymore. The whole world thinks of you as darkly innocent. You said you're sick of it." He smiled slightly. "Hell, even I would be. So don't sing. No one will recognize you as the number one singer in practically the world, Fallen Angel. We'll just create a mysterious disappearance." He rolled his eyes and tapped his fingers slowly on the wood of the desk. His eyes serious as he waited for an answer. He studied Suguru for a long, tense moment. Sitting in the chair across from him, the teen gulped._

_"I'll go with Bad Luck. I'll have to cut my hair just to make sure people don't recognize me..." He gave a small sigh. His dark green locks of hair fell to his waist, where the ends curled slightly. Then he smirked, leaning on the desk to look his cousin in the eye._

_"You may not like it, but I have to change my appearance. Be someone else. We're also going to say I'm sixteen, just to make sure they catch on. Can't have them thinking I'm the fourteen year old Fallen Angel, after all."_

_He winked, then got up, looking distant. His eyes gazed out the window into the bright lit trees._

_"I have to go. Sorry, Tohma, and thanks for the opportunity for change."_

_He left._

--

"What the hell?" Suguru yelled as he jumped up. Someone had shook his shoulder. Instantly, all trace of tears was gone. The person in front of him, black-haired and onyx-eyed, didn't look fooled by the apparent lack of crying. He didn't look ready to fall down and comfort him at any moment either. He was just there.

"Are you alright?" the guy asked, forcibly stuffing his hands into the tight pockets of his jeans.

Suguru gave him a look. "Why wouldn't I be?" he snapped, glaring and brushing dirt of his clothing.

The boy, who seemed like he was sixteen or so, didn't look impressed. He raised an eyebrow wryly instead. "I think you can answer that," he told the synth player. Then his eyes narrowed slightly as if he was trying to remember something. "You're Fujisaki Suguru! In Bad Luck!" he exclaimed.

Surprised into grinning, Suguru shrugged. For once, he had been recognized for himself. "Not for much longer," he said, running a hand through his dark green-black hair. He played with the sleeves of his denim jacket. "Who are you, anyway? You _look_ like Yuki Eiri." Tatsuha shrugged also.

"His little brother. Uesugi Tatsuha."

Suguru flashed a smile. It seemed like if you had a big romance novelist brother, you would be overshadowed just as keyboardists were overshadowed by the lead singers. "Well thanks for worrying about me," he said quietly, "And for recognizing me." A darkness fell over his brown eyes again, and he walked away, leaving Tatsuha slightly surprised at the quick brush-off. Then his eyes widened.

_'What did he mean by "not for much longer"? Is he leaving the band?'_

--

_Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies_

_(so I don't real and what's not)_

_So I don't know what's real and what's not_

_(what's real and what's not)_

No matter what he did, he always ended up back here. Shaded russet eyes looked over the grayish-brown walls of the warehouse, faded and dirtied. They glanced over the cracked concrete floor and landed on corner that was still stained with a legacy of blood, imprinted there from all too many years ago. No matter what he did, he always ended up back here.

Boots made no sound for once as Suguru walked over to that corner and sat. He leaned back into the dirty wall, almost taking peace in the unholiness of it all. No matter what he did, he was the most unholy of them all.

_'The day I was born. The day I died. The day my parents died. The day Akuma-- Seti, died. Death.'_

He thought back to the words his cousin had spoken to him somewhere around a year ago. _'I live in the present,'_ he repeated. _'Being so far immersed in the present allows the past to haunt you. On stage, you can immerse in the past to create a totally different sound in your voice. It's the only way. Only way...'_

For once, just this once, he considered it. It could all change in a blink. A thought whispered through his head, a hint of the amazing lyrical abilities he had once had. Then a completely different idea grew around a slightly different theme. He cast his eyes downward and shifted slightly, digging a hand into a cargo pocket. He took out a pen. Shuffling through a few papers, he found a used one and uncrumpled it. Gently, he set it down on the stained floor and looked at it. It was so crumpled, imperfect. Therein lied it's perfection

Closing those shimmering orbs, he let his thoughts filter down to the barest things that made him himself. The major things. The life changing things. If he cried, once again he didn't notice. He almost never noticed when sorrow took him so strongly. He focused his thoughts on a deceptively calm face and bright green eyes. Slowly, his thoughts flowed down through his fingertips, setting the pen in motion. Dark ink stained the paper in writing that curved and twisted, unlike his usual writing. He immersed himself in the past. Just for now. Just for a little while.

_Always confusing the thoughts in my head_

_So I can't trust myself anymore_

--

He was finished. He looked at the twisted writing. It spoke almost solely of Akuma Seti 3. In the beginning, his thoughts had flicked towards his cousin earlier that day, but that had passed. Growing bitter, he stuffed the paper in his pocket. Water dripped down from long-dead pipes as he succumbed to tears once more, letting them fall freely from his deadened eyes.

_I'm dying again_

He didn't want to try to get up from this. He was drowning in a sea of utter despair. But this was the one day. This was _his_ day. The one day he got to be dead.

"'I'm going to burn in hell'," Suguru managed to get out through is sobs, voice choked with tears as burning laughter made it's way out of his throat. Akuma's last words, and they had been some of the truest he had ever spoken.

In a flash of sudden cold, the keys player gasped and froze. His eyes opened and grew blank.

**_Somewhere else. Somewhere... gone. Never there, never here. Don't want to be in this place. Never this place. Thousands of flashes. All of his face. Pictures of him. No matter where. Don't wanna see. I want to leave. NOW!_**

Suddenly he was out of immersion in his mind. A sole thing burned into his mind, erasing all of the cold images of Seti. Carelessly tossed black hair, molten obsidian eyes, and Yuki Eiri's face. Uesugi Tatsuha. Those hot eyes burned through every image, discarding it.

Stumbling to his feet, Suguru had no clue how he made it home and in bed safely.

_I'm going under (going under)_

_Drowning in you (drowning in you)_

_I'm falling forever (falling forever)_

_I've got to break through_

_I'm going under_

--

_"DON'T LEAVE AGAIN!"_

_The yell screamed at him, piercing him through every piece of his body, making him bleed inside. He allowed his eyes to fill with tears as he looked up into the beautiful, handsome face of his lover and partner, Akuma Seti._

_"I'm sorry Akuma," he said, drawing a shuddering breath. He cowered from the chair that he had been thrown into. Those beautiful green eyes that belonged to the second half of Fallen Angel softened a bit. But not too much. They never went completely clear. Not for Suguru._

_"I DON'T want you LEAVING!" the teenager yelled. He was sixteen years old while Suguru was thirteen, turning fourteen in a week._

_"We're just getting the new CD started! We may have the record deal, but we can't slack off practicing! Tenshi, where do you get off leaving like that! You _idiot!"

_So go on and scream, scream at me_

_I'm so far away_

_I won't be broken again_

_I've got to breathe; I can't keep going under_

_Shivering, shuddering, he sank back into the chair with closed eyes. He drew away into a place deep inside himself, cold and dark. Images flashed around him of the past that was so dark even when he was so young. He had met Akuma when he was eleven, but too much had happened before that to make a difference. The screaming, the ranting, the yelling, met deaf ears. He was too far gone._

_Akuma had always been the fallen and he had always been the angel. Now he was fallen too._

_He loved Akuma. There was no doubt about that. They were closer than brothers, more than family, forever. Akuma was a good person. There was no doubt. There was just so much stress that they were under. He couldn't blame Akuma, but maybe he was making excuses._

_This was his life, though._

_I'm dying again_

Fujisaki Suguru woke up screaming.

--

The street was so dark and dust-filled. It seemed like what a painting of "the end of the road" would be. The very end. It was too late for Tatsuha to go to Eiri's house. He was bound to walk in on something with Shuichi and his brother. So he had headed to his favorite, all-night cafe.

_I'm going under (going under)_

_Drowning in you (drowning in you)_

_I'm falling forever (falling forever)_

_I've got to break through_

_I'm going under_

"Another cup of chai, hon?" the bouncy waitress asked. Her blue eyes were bright and her brown hair bounced. Most people seemed grouchy so early in the morning, but this woman, girl really, was happy. Tatsuha smiled at her.

"Sure," he answered quietly. "Thanks, Mei." Mei winked.

"No prob! You're my favorite person when you're in town!"

She headed behind the desk. Sighing, eyes turning from the street to inside his heart, he saw a face with soft strands of hair that seemed to always fall in lonely brown eyes.

_Going under (going under)_

_Drowning in you_

_I'm going under_

--

_1 - When Shuichi talks about this song, I'm having him sing 'Little Things', lyrics by Good Charlotte. I only know that one song from the first manga. Sorry! But Little Things just seems to fit good... smile I'll just have it be from his new CD that he's doing. How 'bout that?_

_2 - Quatre Raberba Winner is from Gundam Wing. He looks EXACTLY like Tohma, except his hair is brighter and his eyes are aquamarine. You GOTTA see!_

_3 - Akuma devil/demon. Tenshi angel. Demons were supposed to be fallen angels given a different name. I perfer fallen angel, obviously, over demon. Demon works in some situations, but not this one. Akuma was an angry fallen angel and Suguru was the angel that got dragged to earth (I.E. hell) with him, making him fallen._

_4 - Not in chapter. Just recongize that my order is last, or family, name first and first name last. Traditional Japanese way, but they all usually call each other by their first names unlike the traditional Japanese way. 'Kay?_


	3. Demons of an Angel

_Wolf- When I first wrote this I finished it in just one day! Only about five chapters are done already and because of original work they keep getting put off. By the time I get done with the already written stuff, though, I expect to at least have one chapter, if not two, done already for your reading pleasure._

_DISCLAIMER: No, I do not own Gravitation the anime. I DO own the song "Black Snow". Repeat. I DO own the song "Black Snow". If you steal it, no matter if I goes to jail, I will hunt you down, flame you, and kill you. (sweet smile) We have a deal, don't we._

--

**Demons of an Angel**

He had been invited to go to Hiroshi's house to hang out and watch movies two days ago, but he didn't. He had work to do. He was too busy. Now that he was trying to reform Fallen Angel, there was no way he could just play around as much as he used to. And besides, Shuichi would find it weird if he wore his hat _while_ they were relaxing.

He brushed a hand through his long, green-ebony locks. His long, silky hair reached down to the small of his back. A few more inches and it would be back to his normal length, at his waist. He had been growing it out for over a year, so it had better be that long! It had been difficult to hide it. He had needed to have skillful mastery of hats, bandannas, and pins so he could get his hair to look different. If all else failed, he pulled it into ponytail and tried to not let it hang around his face. He didn't want to risk it.

He was an Angel again. He almost felt bad for when Bad Luck would have to go up against him. Almost.

Smirking slightly, he highlighted his eyes easily with kohl again. They were sharp and distinct again, unlike the light stuff he used just around the edges. Sitting down the applicator, he studied his image in the vanity mirror. He looked almost like he had not to long ago. His clothes were even a copy of what he had worn, all black offset by a white denim jacket. Akuma's had been the opposite, all white offset by a black denim jacket. The jacket Suguru had now...

The fifteen-year-old left, ready to meet Bad Luck at the studio. To leave Bad Luck at the studio.

--

"Hey Suguru!" Shuichi exclaimed, jumping up and down in the building. Sakano and K him amusedly. Hiroshi and Noriko (who was still in town and not with her own band) weren't there yet. Suguru flashed a small smile at both Shuichi, who was still bouncing.

"Hi Shindou," he replied, toying with a strand of ebony that had fallen down from his ponytail. His eyes sparkled brightly as he looked at K, who nodded to him. He was distracted by having to bang Shuichi on the head to keep him from bouncing more. The manager looked like he was still annoyed (in other words, pissed to the point of being really, really scary) at being thrown in jail. Sakano was freaking out peacefully in the corner.

"Sorry I'm late," Suguru stated quietly. Mr. K shrugged.

"I managed to get Shuichi here _early_ for once. It required... persuading." Suguru rolled his eyes. K had never scared him like he did Shuichi and, to some extent, Hiro. He didn't say anything, though.

He walked over to where the producer was having his little panic attack. As his leather boots glided over the carpeted floor, he bent down to whisper in Sakano's ear. His long hair fell to hide his face from view.

"Ready to come back to the Angels?" he murmured. Sakano looked up, face completely calm as if he hadn't been hyperventilating a moment earlier. He took in the long hair and the edged lines around the eyes, which had deepened to an almost black color.

"I've been ready since we began. I'll wait until you tell them," he said evenly. The boy singer/synth player smiled and nodded.

--

_"I'll smile happy, the price is right_

_Let me take it off your mind tonight_

_Just one day, only a dream away_

_You're gone, I'm gone, were you ever here to stay?"_

The song was one by a songwriter named Alishara. The girl and her sister, Lynn, were some of the best composers along with the lyrics they wrote. Noriko thought it showed off a different side to Shuichi other than the energy that he had, softer and quieter. She was more of a manger/producer than both K and Sakano were together. K was more like a pimp for Shuichi, who made him go to sessions and so on. It seemed sometimes that Sakano was only the person supplying the contract.

The door to the room burst open, and before Noriko or K could stop him a teenager flashed through the other door where they were practicing.

"SHUICHI!" he yelled. The song stopped abruptly, but the singer smiled.

"La li ho!" the pink-haired demon exclaimed. "I didn't know you were back in town, Tatsuha!"

Suguru stiffened at the name, dark eyes sliding slowly over to the sleek midnight hair and molten eyes. He suddenly wished he was already working on his singing. By himself. As Fallen Angel. _Far_ away from here.

"Yeah yeah!" Tatsuha said, exasperated. He waved a hand around in impatience. "Came over little less than a week ago but it was at night, didn't want to interrupt anything, watched your concert, left the next day 'cause of father, came back to get away from father. The problem is..." His voice playfully took on a whining tone.

"I forgot my key and Eiri's not home!"

Shuichi smacked his forehead. It was a strange look that was on the sometimes ditz's face. It was like he was almost mature...

"Sometimes I think you're worse than me. Here!" He tossed the key easily over to his boyfriend's brother, who caught it absently. His black eyes had locked to the delicate, angelic keyboardist that was in the corner, tucked away and forgotten. Whose eyes were practically pleading for him to not say a single thing. So he didn't.

"Thanks Shuichi," he said distractedly. He left without another word, leaving the Ryuichi-lookalike confused.

"Whatever," Noriko said through an intercom to the room. "Start from the top, Shuichi, and be a little more _sad_ for kami's sake! Don't keep spilling out that much too energetic shit! It's fast beat song, but SAD! Try it NOW!"

--

Hiro, Shuichi, and Suguru lounged around the Shindou's apartment. Hiro was absently tweaking with his guitar, Shuichi was watching a music video of Sakuma Ryuichi with adoring eyes, and Fujisaki was watching it along with him, stiffly sipping a coke. Even after all this time with them, he still wasn't completely relaxed in their presence. For once thing, they seemed almost completely unpredictable, which tended to make it so things didn't settle down easy. For another, they were... well, they were people. All people hurt and betrayed each other at one point.

The video drew to a close and another started. Suguru gulped, eyes nervous, when he heard a familiar sound. A keyboard, set to sound like a piano, played quiet notes as a low beat with a drum started up. The rustling sound of snow falling on a roof began. Even Hiro watched as a pure and innocent, slightly betrayed voice rang out of a shadowed gloom.

_"Tell me the truth of never knowing_

_Tell me the honesty of why you are going_

_I don't know why you're leaving your life behind_

_Fading into the blackened light_

_Why do you hide?"_

The screen flashed to a face that was covered in shadow, but raven waves of green-black hair fall long and straight. It flashed to another faced covered in that same darkness, cobalt hair shining. The spotlight flooded the image of blue hair and dragon green eyes.

He hadn't heard him in so long, but the voice was the same. Akuma Seti had always had a roughly sweet voice when not raised in anger, a side he only showed on stage and to Suguru. He was so perfect and so very imperfect at the same time.

_"Grass browns and flowers die_

_It happens only when you walk by_

_To the spring you are the winter_

_Unseen and unknown_

_To the winter you're death_

_So white and so... so cold"_

It burst into full guitar, the sounds of a piano flying across through the TV speakers. The "so... so cold" had been sung by both singers at the same time, so beautiful. The sound intensified, grew. It grew faster and harder, light and dark at the same time. The screen flashed from fields of perfect snow to glowing green eyes and back again.

Suguru bent his head to rest on his knees as he watched silently, wiping away the streaks of tears angrily. He hated having to cry, but he missed Akuma. More than life, more than breath, more than anything. Problems or not, Akuma had been and still was everything to him.

The screen flashed to that shadowed face again as russet eyes were glowing and faceted in the darkness. As the guitar and drums quieted, the piano-keyboard played on. The voice was rougher for once, and the camera turned to show tears silently slipping down a familiar pale cheek.

_"To the unknowing you're just what you seem_

_Darkened and hiding so far away from me_

_The snow falls down on your grave as I watch_

_Thinking of the darkness and the light that you--"_

The sound was cut off as the television turned into a program. A punkish girl looked straight into the camera in silence.

"That was Fallen Angel," she said, her voice a bit arrogant. "A band made up of two members: Akuma and Tenshi. Demon and Angel. A little over a year ago, Akuma killed himself and Tenshi disappeared. This was the last music video recorded by them, the song not even released to the public. Called "Black Snow", the song was written by Tenshi. So many fooled by that innocent face, no one would guess so much depth was behind it. Some suspect that Tenshi died with his lover Akuma."

She smirked at this very thought, brown eyes amused. The three watching it were silent as she spoke, still in shock at the music video. One for a different reason...

"But we know this isn't true," she continued. "Wanna know why? Because we have this music video, given to us earlier today by Fallen Angel's former co-producer, Seguchi Tohma. He said that although they have the full music video they will not release to us because it reveals one thing we've been dying to know. As you should have figured out, if you had been following Fallen Angel's movements, is that Tenshi is not the real name of the angel-voiced boy. No one has ever seen his face, no one knows who he is. And believe me, everyone's tried to figure out. And in this music video, Tenshi was finally revealed. Well, I guess we don't have a chance of figuring it out. Or do we? Seguchi-san has said that Fallen Angel is coming back. More info when we get it."

"Excuse me," Suguru said, pushing out of the chair. His red-brown eyes flashed and his hair seemed electrified. "Can I use your phone, Shindou?"

"Sure, man," Shuichi answered distractedly. He turned to Hiro as the other member of Bad Luck began to leave. The sound of Shuichi's babble followed him out. "Did you see that! Remember what a Fallen Angel nut I was! Did you know that Tenshi is only fifteen this YEAR! It was just as bad as Nittle Grasper! I LOVE Akuma! He was so HOT! And--"

The green-haired boy smirked and interrupted, still headed towards the phone.

"Got that right!" he called. There was silence.

"Honestly? I mean, I'm... _kinda_ gay... but you?" Shuichi finally asked. He sounded astounded.

"I'm gay, Shuichi! Have been since I was... let's see... eleven."

He paused for a long moment as he set a hand on the phone, eyes growing blank. That hand clenched, as did his jaw, his eyes falling to stare at the white knuckles as the grip tightened.

_"What are you staring at, kid?" the blue-headed boy growled. Even though he was just fourteen, he took a long drag from a cigarette._

_The messy hair of an eleven-year-old fell into a different boy's eyes as he hid behind his bangs shyly. "Sorry," he said quietly, blushing. "I've just never met anyone like you before..."_

_The teenager snorted. "And if you're lucky, you never will again. Name's Akuma Seti, kid. What's yours?"_

_"Fujisaki Suguru.":_

His eyes focused again as he glared. Picking up the phone, he dialed quickly the number he had memorized a long time ago.

"Hello?" Tohma answered, picking up the private line.

--

Out in the living room, Hiro's and Shuichi's conversation was interrupted by a fit of yelling, coming from the least likely source. Fujisaki Suguru, calm and professional Fujisaki Suguru, was yelling into the phone at his cousin.

"WHAT KIND OF SHIT WERE YOU TRYING TO PULL! I TOLD you that I didn't want them to know yet! Did you think I'd change my fucking MIND or something! Yeah, yeah! Sure! RIGHT! Well don't give them the whole thing! That's private! I TOLD YOU NOT TO EVER RELEASE IT! He didn't want me to-- Yeah. Okay. Bye."

Fuming, Suguru stormed into the living room, throwing himself on the couch. He blankly stared at the TV, which was playing another Fallen Angel video, Mental Torment. Snarling under his breath, he grabbed the remote and switched the television off. Hiroshi's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"He promised he wouldn't do that. What would _he_ fucking think! He never wanted--"

"Eh... Suguru? Mind filling us in on what just happened?" Shuichi asked nervously. He had always believed that the day that Suguru did something like he had just done was the day of the apocolypse. It must be raining fire upon the heads of the unsuspecting people below. He was tempted to go over and check.

Suguru turned to him, eyes darkened black and blazing obsidian fire. For once, just this once, he decided to tell them the truth. "I'm quitting the band," he snapped.

Shuichi and Hiroshi stared.

--

1 - Not in chapter. Black Snow is MY song. MINE! Do not take it, refer to disclaimer for threats if you do.

--

_Wolf- nervously Wha'd'ya think? Didja like it? Please like it!_

_Wings- sighs She's being tempermental today, has certain things to deal with, is extremely tired... yawns Yeah, so am I. But instead of sleeping, I'm going to abuse writer's muse benefits at make out with my favorite Gravi character. Who happens to be Yuki, by the way. Wolf can have all the rest, but I have Yuki! I actually get to be uke for once... All in my mind, of course. It's rather interesting. grabs Eiri with a flare of his pretty wings_

_Wolf- Uhh... Yeah. Okay. Umm, please review?_


	4. Bring Me To Life

_Wolf- Has anyone ever noticed how hot K is? He has these really, really intense eyes! They're this dark, deep sapphire blue that are so so so so so beautiful! Hmm... it doesn't really help with the matters of my adoration that he has long hair. I just have this THING for guys with long hair. Anyway, due to his overwhelming HOT HOT HOT ness, I'm going to try and work him more into this fic! Not too much, though. Maybe show a "K behind the guns" thing? Hmm... Oh gods, that sentence could be SO dirty..._

_Wings- She's at it again... (sighs) We do not own Gravitation. Gravitation owns us._

--

**Bring Me To Life**

"I'm quitting the band," he snapped.

Shuichi and Hiroshi stared.

It took a long moment before either of them could get their throats to work once more, but Hiro finally shook his head and said, "But you can't be quitting." The silence that had followed Suguru's simple statement had been far too long. He couldn't believe that Suguru would ever. "That would mean that--"

"What!" Suguru said, temper flaring. His eyes were no longer quite so dark looking, but they still flickered to life at the strangest moments, full of fire and darkness at alternative moments. He looked unpredictable, entirely unlike the person that they had known. It touched against the odd words that Sakano had told them about not bothering Suguru for the next few weeks.

"Does it mean that you're going solo?" Shuichi asked quietly. He brushed a hand through his hot pink locks, the sleeve of the black sweatshirt he wore falling down his arm. Suguru looked at him for a second and his eyes softened. He felt all the anger he had had at seeing that music video disappear. Shuichi's face was shaped like Akuma's, though Akuma's was harsher and more pointed. "Because," the boy singer rushed when he saw that his synth player wasn't answering, "I can't see you quitting when you're so dedicated and all and--"

"I guess it does."

Suguru sighed heavily, eyelids shuddering downwards. His finger made a circle on the gray couch as he thought for a second. He didn't want to see the disappointment in Hiro and Shuichi's eyes. As much as the Ryuichi-lookalike hadn't liked him at first, they had grown so much closer after the first CD had been released.

Despite how close they had grown, though, it wasn't very close for Shuichi, especially compared to his other friendships. But it _was_ for Suguru. He may not have been able to tell him about Fallen Angel, but they were close enough so that Suguru had almost scored an invitation to be officially introduced to Yuki.

"If you're not going to be our keyboardist, who is?" Hiro asked, brown eyes wary. His reddish bronze hair flashed in the low light as he bent his head, nails biting into his palms. He was always so intense and serious, yet Suguru knew something about him that even his best friend didn't know. It was simple, and even Yuki knew it. Hiroshi loved Shuichi with every single fiber of his being.

"My cousin, Quatre Raberba Winner, is being called up by Tohma." His features flashed amused for a second. "Even though he's been slumming around Arabia for nearly nine of his fifteen years, his father's forcing him on a plane back to Japan."

"But..." Shuichi began hesitantly, "...You're our synth player, our keyboardist. _You're_ the reason we've gotten this far. You rearranging the lyrics and the keyboard--"

Suguru cut in before the pink-haired demon could sink too far into depression and self-doubt. He was like that a lot, alternating between being hyper and depressed. Shuichi was a lot more human than many people, connected so deeply to the emotions that ruled him. It didn't help that Yuki had the tendency to yell at him so often.

"Quatre is just as good as me," Suguru interrupted. "He looks almost exactly like Tohma-san and is... well, he's a little like you, Shuichi. He's pretty much bi-polar. And bi, but that's beside the point. Just substitute hyper for cheerful and depressed for both depressed and sullen, and you've got Quatre." 1

Shuichi cheered up slightly, but not much. Hiro stayed silent, absently eating a stick of pocky and thinking about how different things would be when Suguru left. He cared about Suguru even if he wasn't horribly close to him. Suguru was part of Bad Luck now. He was theirs and now he didn't want to be?

"Why don't you think of it not as saying goodbye, but saying hello to the competition that's going to beat you?" Suguru offered. Shuichi grew red with humorous anger that was really not anger at all and began yelling.

Hiroshi shook his head in admiration. Suguru had just managed to get Shuichi's mind off of his depression almost effortlessly. He was learning.

--

"Hey," Shuichi said some time later, looking blearily at the ceiling. It was around two in the morning. As soon as the other two opened their eyes, they were glaring. Shuichi ignored them. "How about we throw Suguru a little leaving-the-band party?" he suggested. Shoulders sagged, boys sighed.

"Sure, Shindou," Suguru said, closing his eyes again. The door was opened and instantly all signs of tiredness were gone from the pink-haired singer.

"Finally!" he exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "Eiri and Tatsuha are home! C'mon Suguru-san! You've _gotta_ meet Yuki! And OFFICIALLY this time, not just barge in and threaten and _flirt_!" He pulled at Suguru and the synth player didn't have a choice as he was dragged to the door. Highly amused, Hiro followed.

"YUKI!" Shuichi yelled excitedly, jumping on his boyfriend. Even though he was used to this, Eiri could barely keep from falling over. He had longish golden hair and amber eyes, as piercing a color as a hawk's. Beside him, his brother had ebony hair and obsidian eyes. They looked like yin and yang, except switched a bit. Yin was dark and female, and yang was light and male. Yuki was yang in the way that he was all golden, but he was more dark than Tatsuha in actuality.

"Didja have fun? Whatcha do? Did Tatsuha ever get into the house? I know you've met Suguru, but have you officially been introduced? He's our keyboardist, 'cept he's quittin' the band and going solo. How are you? Are you tired? You've been staying up way too late for weeks! I know you have a deadline, but--"

"Shindou," Suguru stated dryly. "I know you're a guy, but you sound like a housewife." He shoved his overgrown, chin-length bangs out of his eyes and looked at Yuki.

"I am pleased to see you again, Yuki-san."

The writer nodded coldy and looked down at Shuichi. His hard eyes softened slightly. "Tatsuha did get into the house and I'm fine," he growled.

Fujisaki hid a smile. Yuki was so easy for him to understand, because Yuki was a lot like Akuma in almost every way. He was like a fire on the outside, but he was so gentle on the inside, so easily hurt. You had to pick through what he said and what he didn't say. He was so much like Akuma.

--

Tatsuha could hear his brother and the rest talking, or the rest talking at least. His brother was pretty much just letting the early morning talk carry out before he _kicked_ them all out. He himself, of course, was staring straight at Suguru. There was something off with the dark-eyed singer/synth player. For some reason he was intriguing to Tatsuha. There was something about him that caught Tatsuha's eye.

Suguru turned suddenly and met his gaze head on. Tatsuha tried hard to get past all the barriers that were in the other's eyes, transparent or not. They would break, someday, and tears would probably flood out. He couldn't see anything, though. All he could see was a picture of desolation.

_'He knows,'_ Suguru's mind whispered. It didn't matter that it didn't make any sense. It just seemed like this dark god could see right into his soul, down far enough to touch what shredded feelings he had left. Far enough down to reach the cold place he went into when he was hurt.

_'He doesn't know,'_ he tried to tell his mind. _'How could he? He can't read my mind, he doesn't know me. He does NOT know, so shut up!'_

_'Stupid. Yes he does. And he's going to use it to hurt me, just like everyone else. Just like Akuma, and just like--'_

_'SHUT UP!'_

He didn't know it, but with the distractions of his mental conversations, something in his eyes broke. Emotion flooded them, stark fear and unease. Tatsuha's own onyx orbs narrowed.

_How can you see into my eyes, like open doors?_

_Leading you down into my core_

_Where I've become so numb_

--

It was days later, on Friday, that Seguchi Tohma's personal phone rang. His mossy green eyes grew annoyed as he picked it up. He was in the middle of paperwork. A new contract had been placed on his desk to look after and they wanted him to do it personally. He hated when they wanted that. "Yes?" he snapped into the phone instead of the more conventional answer of 'hello'

"Cousin..." his nephew's voice came out unsurely. "Just in case you wanted to know, I'm going to be singing at The Palladium sometime soon."

The line went dead. Tohma set the phone down, his mood blackening even further as he sighed. _'I would've heard if there had been a 'Tenshi' sighting. So what's he up too?'_

Suguru was kneeling beside his bed. His pale hands reached under as he pulled out a small box. Dust covered it thickly, making his fingerprints stand out. He smiled slightly and blew the dust off. The cardboard was rough against his skin as he slid the top off and took out what was in it.

Sighing, the Fallen Angel singer stood up and slid on the black cargo jeans. The silken black shirt slithered over his stomach as it fell down to hang loosely above his waist. He looked towards the final piece of clothing: a white denim jacket. He could still see the dark blood stain on the sleeve from where he had never washed it since... He shut the box and hid it under the bed again. Standing up, he took the Akuma's black jacket from the bed and put that on instead. Crossing over to look in the mirror, the only thing he could think was _'I kinda missed black...'_ He smirked and pulled a pair of sunglasses on over his eyes.

--

Sighing, Dai, manager of The Palladium, began to lock the back doors to the club. Their headliner band had cancelled unexpectedly and he hadn't had time to find a new person for tomorrow. And Friday was when they got most of their customers.

He cursed as his fumbling hands dropped the key somewhere in the dark. Dropping to his knees, careful to avoid the puddle of water nearby, he began to search. A little bit farther down the alley, a slender boy bent down and picked it up.

"Are you looking for this?" he asked, brushing his long greenish-ebony hair away from his face. The tall club manager stood and looked at him. The teenager was delicate and wearing all black, sunglasses his eyes and and shadows covering his face completely.

"Yes," Dai finally answered. The kid tossed him the key with ease.

"I heard you were looking for a new headliner," he began as soon as Dai caught the key. The tall dark-haired man looked guarded, but he nodded.

"And since you only have a day to find someone, I bet you're desperate. I can make you a deal."

"We only let people headline here that have played before," Dai cautioned. The boy nodded and said "I know. I've been here before, a long time ago. I headlined for a week before my bandmate decided we should stop."

"Wh-- who are you?" Dai asked wonderingly. The sunglasses slipped down slightly, showing a glimpse of an amused brown eye, but they were soon pulled back up.

"Tenshi of Fallen Angel."

The manager's jaw dropped.

--

_Without a soul..._

_My spirit sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

"I have to find... let's see. A guitarist and maybe a drummer. I can do the keyboard myself, and some pre-recorded things," Suguru mused as he dropped the keys on his stand and chucked off his boots. It was Friday, but he wouldn't be playing until night. He began to walk to his kitchen to get something to eat, but the phone rang loudly. Running over, socks sliding on wooden floor, he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"SUGURU!" he heard Shuichi's voice yell excitedly. "Tenshi from Fallen Angel is going to be playing at The Palladium tonight! Hiro and I are going and I'm gonna see if I can't drag Yuki and Tatsuha along. You wanna go?"

Suguru's smile was apparent in his voice when he promised "I'll be there, Shindou."

A few minutes later, the phone was hung up and Suguru was still wondering where he could find a guitarist and drummer. Then he smirked. How easy could you get? Just pick up the little phone and make a call...

"Hello? Ryuichi? This is Tenshi. Could you do me a favor and help me out?"

"Of course! Kumagoro and I would love to help you out! Just tell Kumagoro what you need!"

--

Tatsuha sighed and crossed his arms behind his head, laying back on them. He was on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. He barely noticed when his older brother came into the room, toweling off his golden hair. He _did_ notice, however, when Eiri asked coldly, "Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be back at the bastard's temple?"

The dark-haired teenager looked at him with eyes that were glazed over.

"Eiri," he said with with a yawn. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don't want to go back?" Yuki shrugged, tossing the towel into a basket. He sat down at his desk and began to pick up a cigarette.

"So? Go anyway."

Tatsuha rolled his eyes, beginning to count the little markings on the ceiling in boredom. "Shut up, Eiri," he said tonelessly.

The romance novelist looked at him with surprise. Pale fingers tapped on the desk as he looked at his younger brother thoughtfully. "You really don't want to go back, do you?" His voice was tinged with real surprise.

"I've never wanted to go back. But I always do, don't I?"

--

_(wake me up)_

_Wake me up inside_

_(i can't wake up)_

_Wake me up inside_

"Okay," Suguru began, ticking things off in his head. "This is my last day before I am officially Tenshi. How do I feel?" He looked around the park, at the fountain nearby and at the trees that waved in the wind. He listened to the sounds of a few people talking quietly, and apparently, happily. "Like shit," he concluded with a wry smile. His hand ran through his ebony hair, ruffling it. It was so long now. It bothered him sometimes, being so long, but it was right somehow.

"I wonder if I would drown in the fountain if I dived into it," he thought aloud. "I might hit my head and _then_ drown, but maybe not."

He swung his legs, wind making the soft silver pants flare out. It was peaceful here, but peaceful made him think too hard about everything. Including thoughts of drowning in a fountain.

"Excuse me," someone said politely, interrupting his thoughts. The accent was British. He looked up to meet wide brown eyes. He could feel a smile edging at his lips at the utter sweetness that this teenager displayed.

"Yes?"

"I am Hitokira Adoshi, pleased to make your acquaintance. I'm the guitarist that Sakuma-san found."

Suguru's eyes lit up from behind his sunglasses as he jumped from the bench. He looked at the sweet, red-headed seventeen-year-old with undisguised happiness.

_(save me)_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

"I'm Tenshi. Thanks for helping me out. We are the rest?" Adoshi glanced towards the convertible that was parked on the side of the road that was behind the trees.

"They're waiting in the car. They are rather... well, one is unsociable and one is too vain to risk leaving the car and wrecking his hairstyle. Ameran Riku is the bass guitarist and Zakuru Jou is the drummer."

Suguru shrugged and smiled. "Alright. Well, I trust Ryuichi's word, so I won't have to hear you play. We're on in a few hours, though. Make sure to come a little early."

Adoshi smirked before he turned back towards the car. "I always do, but don't worry. If I don't, I'll just come later."

Suguru's cheeks flushed at the insinuation.

_(wake me up)_

_Bid my blood to run_

_(i can't wake up)_

_Before I come undone_

--

Tatsuha lay on his bed still, looking at the ceiling. His father was going to be angry. Not only had he left without his father's permission, but he hadn't come home the next day either. Maybe angry was too mild of a term. Was it so much to ask that his summer vacation be spent vacationing?

"You should just go back," Yuki pointed out, lounging in a chair.

"Don't feel like it," Tatsuha said, pouting like a rebellious child. He hid his head under the light cotton blanket, making his older brother sigh. Tatsuha appeared to just be a lump in the bed, neither hide nor hair peeking from inside the nest he had made for himself.

"I give up," Yuki growled. "I have work to do."

He strode out of the room, long golden hair falling over his furious eyes. Tatsuha sighed. Closing his eyes, he whispered to the vision with dark green hair in his head "Why do you have broken eyes?"

_(save me)_

_Save me from the nothing I've become_

--

"SU-GU-RU!" Shuichi yelled into the keyboardist's apartment. He had opened the door without even knocking. A loud bang and a yell that shouldn't really be repeated was heard. "Suguru?"

The long-haired boy with the innocent face and brown eyes came into the room from his bedroom. He glared at the singer furiously, sucking on a thumb that had either gotten bruised or poked. "What do you want, Shuichi?" he asked impatiently.

_Now that I know what I'm without_

_You can't just leave me_

_Breathe into me and make me real_

_Bring me to life_

Shuichi pouted kawaii-like, looking up pleadingly at his friend.

"C'mon, Guru-Guru!" he said. "You know that Fallen Angel is at the Palladium tonight! Hiro and I kinda wanted you to hang with us before."

Suguru shook his head, smiling. He had just gotten back from the park and had a bit more to do before he could go anywhere.

"Sorry, Shuichi. I'm working on something and I think I can finish it soon. I'll meet you there, 'kay?"

The pink-headed singer looked sad, but he nodded anyways. Adjusting the orange backpack he always seemed to carry around, he headed back out without even a goodbye. Fujisaki sighed and went back into his room. He was sorry for blowing Shuichi off, but he had to do this.

His back slid down the wall as he fell beside the notebook he had. A crumpled up piece of paper with the header of "Going Under" was right beside it. Even though he picked up the notebook and pencil again, he couldn't seem to focus on it.

_'It's hard to live a lie...'_ he thought, sighing again. He tapped the pencil against his lips as he thought. His eyes lit up with an almost unnatural glow as he quickly penned down words quickly, heading towards the keyboard that was in the living room.

_I've been living a lie_

_There's nothing inside_

_Bring me to life_

--

Suguru was getting ready for the performance. As he had requested, the stage was in complete darkness. There were allowed to be flickering lights, but none of them long enough to be allowed to see him for more than a second. His long dark green-black hair was silky, sparkling with glitter. His eyes were sharper, the kohl outlining them perfectly. His traditional "Tenshi" performance clothing was already on.

In one hand, Suguru had a piece of paper. His hand clenched around it nervously, the sweat causing the ink to smear. This new song was perfect and beautiful, but he had never done anything quite like it. It was about someone that he only wished for in his dreams, someone that he didn't quite have yet.

Someone that he wanted to have so badly.

_Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling_

_Only you are the life among the dead_

He leaned against the wall, the dark sunglasses that shielded his eyes also shielding his emotions from the busy people around him. _'When you're a fallen angel, you're dead,'_ he mused, thinking about a particular verse. _'The only problem is, this song is a duet. I need one more person.'_

It didn't take long for him to figure out who he wanted to sing with him. Shuichi would just be in the crowd, right? No reason not to make use of him, and besides that, the little demon would probably faint the next day at being around such a legend. It seemed like he should have realized that he had been around one for years, but hey.

Suguru peeked out of the curtain at the restless, screaming crowd. The opening band was still on, Version 21. They were some kind of new band that was awesome.

That was when he caught site of a face in the crowd, the shifting face of obsidian eyes and night black hair.

_'Tatsuha?'_ he thought wonderously. He didn't know why he kept reacting so strongly to Yuki Eiri's brother, but he did. That person could see into his soul. It made him uneasy, but somehow it felt right. That moment, staring at the other teenager, was when something clicked.

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see_

_Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me_

This new song of his was titled 'Bring Me to Life'. It spoke of not only what and who he wanted. It also spoke of Tatsuha, without him even realizing it. He bit his lip and retreated back into his dressing room.

He leaned back against the door, breathing heavily. Version 21's performance was almost over with, just the rest of this song, and then he would be on. He had always had Akuma to hide behind. He had always followed in someone's footsteps, more or less, even if he didn't like being overshadowed.

There was a knock on his door. He opened it, seeing Tohma there, his falsely angelic face concerned as he looked upon his younger cousin. "Are you alright, Suguru-kun?" he asked, his tone so worried that Suguru smiled just to reassure him.

_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems_

_Got to open my eyes to everything_

_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul_

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said quietly. "Don't worry, Tohma-san. This is going to be perfect." Tohma nodded.

"Good, because you're on and Sakano is ready to launch into one of his patented hysterics if you don't get over there."

Suguru nodded and laughed, stepping outside of his dressing room once more. "Everyone's here, right?" he asked, tone suddenly all business. "Everything is going great?"

Tohma nodded. "Yes. You're on."

_Don't let me die here_

_There must be something wrong..._

_Bring me to life_

"Good."

--

_1 - This is the Quatre before he learned of his own worth._

_Wings- (flatly) Wolf cut out some choruses because they're so freaking long. (smirks) Get mad at her, I beg it of you. Maybe then she'll stop making characters muses._

_Akuma- (tries to hide behind his black feathered wings) I was made into a fucking MUSE! (growling)_

_Wolf- (pats him on his head condescendingly) So what? Live and let live, baby! Read and review, kudasai? That means 'please', it's just the way you use it in a sentence. So read and review, please._


	5. Going Solo

_CLAIMER AND DISCLAIMER: I own Everything You Wanted. Do not steal it. I worked really hard on it. I do not own Gravi._

--

**Going Solo**

He stepped up to the mike, his face bathed in darkness. It swirled around him. Lights at the very back of the club allowed him to see a few people, among them Shuichi, who was fastly fighting through the crowds. He saw the face of Tatsuha quite near him again and sighed.

"I'm not used to this," he began abruptly. His melodious voice drifted over the crowds. Shuichi plowed on through the crowds, luckily not recognizing him. "Akuma-kun always did the introductions. So I'll just play. Here's a new one, if you'll listen. Everything You Wanted."

Tenshi took a moment to let the guitarist pick out the music, then allowed his hands to flow over the keyboard with the ease of long practice. He took a deep breath, slightly scared. He teetered on the brink of what he needed to do... then his eyes glazed over.

_"If I had a choice... but there are no choices_

_I wouldn't stay here, do you think I'd be here?_

_If I had a chance and took my chances_

_I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't stay here,"_

he sang strongly. Clear and full of cutting love and hate, every word was dripping with emotion and beauty. He wasn't focusing on the audience any more, but they were holding their breath.

The drums, which had just been a background noise, now took on a new meaning as the sounds from the keyboard faded out. A pure note rose from his throat, rising and falling like an opera singer for a moment. He closed his eyes, then launched into a chorus that had their breath coming short and stopping. It was vaguely tinged with bitterness and sadness.

And it was always about Akuma Seti.

_"I'm too young, I'm too cold, I'm too reckless_

_I'm too hard, I'm too wrong, I'm too feckless_

_I lie all the time and I hide."_

The word "hide" clearly had two syllables, the last one deeper than the first one. His eyes still drifted lazily down as he allowed every emotion show through his voice and his music. With people not seeing him, they could concentrate on his voice. Added to that, he didn't want them to know who he was. He owed Seti at least that.

_"I'm not the right one, not the true one_

_There's not a chance I could be_

_Anything you wanted!"_

His eyes flew open with anger, passion showing through them. Suguru fancied that someone might have seen the power in that gaze even without the lights, but that couldn't be so. This wasn't a fairy tale, this was real life. His hair floated around him in the darkness, blown by stage fans.

This wasn't a fairy tale. There was no way a prince would come and save him from himself. There was no way that this could have a happy ending.

The drums faded down from their previous pounding loudness, and the song went on despite all of his thoughts. The guitar picked out a softer melody while the keyboard grew harsher.

_"If I had an idea, though there are no ideas_

_Would you listen, return my glance and listen?_

_If I had the right truth, not the wrong truth_

_Would you hear it or would you hear the lie?"_

--

Tatsuha's breath quickened as the chorus came on again. Tenshi's voice was better than ever, so beautiful and pure. His voice had only matured as he had grown up. It poured over the whole crowd and held them captive, which was an amazing feat. Even Shuichi was silent, his eyes taking in one of his musical heroes even though he couldn't see anything but a vague shape.

The chorus ended with that strong, bitter line, and the keyboard didn't just fade out. It stopped abruptly, making a few people's eyebrows furrow at the lack of Tenshi's trademark instrument.

--

The drums and guitar pounded on. Tenshi drew something from his pocket. He fixed a black satin lower-face veil onto his face, his beautiful brown eyes were almost as black as the material itself now. He took a deep breath, making the veil flutter, then the keyboard filtered in again.

His voice was the barest whisper as the other music died down to just the keyboard.

_"Can you hear what's the truth_

_Even though it's beneath the lies?_

_I would never tell you, never ever tell you_

_What is inside my head."_

Then the lights flooded the whole room, gentle lights so everyone's eyes weren't hurt. Tenshi was flooded into view, but the lower-face veil sufficiently concealed his identity. The drums and the guitar pounded back into force, so skillful that Tenshi was glad Ryuichi-kun had found these people.

_Blood. Fallen angel. Fallen angel... Fallen angel..._

A tear slipped jaggedly down his cheek, there for everyone to see. Tatsuha's eyes caught on shielded brown eyes, one barrier in them broken and making tears fall. Tenshi yelled his next lines with bitter feeling.

_"So go on!_

_It's your own choice_

_So go on!_

_You took your chances_

_So go on!_

_It's your idea_

_So go on!_

_It's your own truth_

_That's not the truth!"_

--

Tohma listened to his cousin with great concern, worry making him sick. He was backstage, watching, but a camera had shown him a tear slipping down the younger boy's cheek. _'He should have never followed my advice!'_ he thought angrily. _'There are two people that I would kill ANYONE for. Those two are Uesugi Eiri and Fujisaki Suguru. If only the both of them would listen to me.'_ It was all he could do now to listen to the beauty of the song. 1

Then some shocking words rang out of Tenshi's mouth, shocking for Tohma, at least.

_"But I don't _care_ that I'm _not

_Everything you wanted!"_

_'I thought...'_

--

Tenshi finished the final few lines of his song before letting the music die down. He sighed heavily, which was picked up by the microphone.

"I'm gonna have a new CD out, you know. But since productions on it haven't even begun, N-G is going to be releasing my last CD with... with Akuma. Just to tide you over. However, here is a teaser from what I've been working on recently." His brown eyes laughed sorrowfully. "I need someone to sing it with me, though.I know Shindou from Bad Luck is here, so would he come up, kudasai?" 2

--

_1 - He pushed Taki Aizawa in front of a car (the cute little psycho...) So obviously he would kill for Eiri. I doubt he would really kill for Suguru, since Suguru can take care of himself, but it's the though that counts, right?_

_2 - kudasai please (in a sentence)._

_Wolf- YAY! T'is done! This one had me worrying. I didn't think it would EVER get done!_


	6. Everybody's Fool

_Wolf- I've FINALLY started this chapter. You would not BELIEVE what I have had to go through! This fic is getting hard to write, because I have original work that I'm trying to get published (I finished a 200+ pages of orignal work). But do not fear! I will get this out in a timely fashion!_

_Wings- (smirking) Probably, anyway._

_Wolf- Shut up, you! Dammit, I seem to be saying that alot!_

--

**Everybody's Fool**

The concert had been killer. The place had been sold out an the people that hadn't been able to go were groaning and sobbing into their hands. Suguru could remember exactly how it had gone once he had gotten Shuichi on stage.

_"So Shindou."_

_Brown eyes flashed in the darkness with amusement. Shuichi had been pulled into the darkness with him, in his world now. The pink-haired demon was staring at him with something like awe in his eyes, which Tenshi was not comfortable with. This was a person that had ignored him as much as he could to some extent, admiring his skill, trying to be a friend, but still... ignoring him. He hated being not being acknowledged._

_"You're a big fan, right? I've heard about it from a friend of mine." Yeah. Himself. "I'm doing a new song and I need someone to sing with me. Obviously I can't do it by myself, and you're coming along very nicely. Would you like to help me?"_

_Shuichi's eyes lit up but he still stuttered when he spoke. "Y-yes. Of course."_

_Tenshi flashed him a dark smile that he couldn't see. "Here's the music, Shindou. The name of the song is 'Bring Me to Life'._

_'Fame is something I'm incredibly fond of,'_ he reflected on dryly. _'I just don't want anybody to know that it's me enjoying it. Everyone adores Tenshi, after all.'_ His thoughts took a bitter turn. _'Perfect, tragic little angel who needs help getting back on his feet after his lover suicided. Stupid. So stupid.'_

_Perfect by nature_

_Icons of self-indulgence_

He wasn't going to get into this. Sighing heavily, he idily scrawled on the piece of the paper in front of him, something that turned into musical notes. He looked at it appraisingly. _'Nice.'_

He set it down again and began trying to figure out what to tell Shuichi. That he hadn't been able to make it for some reason? That he was there, but no, he hadn't been able to find him? ...that was stupid. Who _didn't_ know that Shuichi had been called onto the stage? Maybe his car had broken down... no. He didn't _have_ a car...

Crap. Shuichi was going to be mad and that wasn't going to be fun. He could imagine it now: lots of jumping and pouting and waggling of fingers... He stifled a snicker. So what could his lie be...

--

"Why weren't you there last night, Suguru? You _promised_!" Shuichi said, lower lip quivering. His purple eyes looked large on his face, sparkling with hurt tears. He felt so genuinely that he sometimes surprised Suguru. He hadn't believed that Shuichi was genuine to begin with, but then he had seen that he really was. It had frightened Suguru a bit.

Suguru smiled and said the line that he had thought of-- the _only_ one that he could think of. "Sorry, Shindou. I was there, but I couldn't find you. Tohma called me for something before I heard you sing with Tenshi."

"How do you know that I sang with him then?" the pink-headed demon asked suspiciously.

Suguru rolled his eyes. "Because _everyone_ knows, Shuichi," he said patiently. "Duh."

Shuichi's eyes brightened. "Well then, isn't it so cool! I sang with Tenshi and I got on stage and he's SOOOO cool!" He was practically bouncing. Suguru almost felt bad for deceiving him. And yet...

_Just what we all need_

_More lies about a world that_

...and yet he knew that it was better this way. He couldn't let anyone know who he was, know that he actually looked his age and didn't look too young. Know that he was a Fallen Angel, the only Fallen Angel left alive and still bearing the burns and scars of life.

--

Tatsuha was in raptures. He had heard Tenshi sing! He had heard Tenshi sing! He had heard him! He had never thought that he would be able to hear Tenshi again, ever since Akuma's suicide.

Yuki was looking at him like he was in idiot. No suprise; Eiri often thought of him as an idiot. Tatsuha always calmly remarked on how alike they were, even making a few comments about that time Shuichi had thought Tatsuha was Eiri. His older brother blushed so nicely.

Tatsuha looked at the ceiling with obsidian eyes that were glinting gleefully. He had heard Tenshi sing!

"You do realize you're saying that outloud, right?" Eiri asked dryly. Tatsuha stuck his tongue out like a child, too caught up in his happiness. Who knew whether he'd be able to see Tenshi again? He had to keep this memory close for as long as he could.

Yuki rolled his saffron eyes and said "I'm going to the Brat's studio. K started shooting at me again. Are you going to come?"

Tatsuha shook his head. "I think I'm going to dig up my old Fallen Angels CDs and have a marathon in honor of Tenshi and Akuma."

"You get obsessed with bands way too easily, Tatsuha," his brother told him sharply. "Either come with me or get out. If I leave you here, you'll wreck something. I don't want my house in rubble when I get back."

"I wouldn't wreck anything!" Tatsuha protested. His smirk undermined his words, though, and Eiri could read his brother like a book. He just Looked and waited. Tatsuha pouted and started to gather his Fallen Angel CDs.

_Never was and never will be_

_Have you no shame, don't you see me?_

_You know you've got everybody fooled_

--

Suguru was scribbling furiously in his notebook, lyrics flowing from his hand in spiky, cramped writing that only came out when he was in a hurry. His left hand reached up to quickly shove his hair out of his face, but when he brought the hand down the hair fell back over his eyes. This time he ignored it.

Sarcastic word after sarcastic word... what had happened to the sorrow that filled his earlier lyrics? He knew perfectly well, though. It had died with Akuma and left in its wake emptiness, despair, and a gaping hole that he fell into when he was stressed.

"Suguru!" Shuichi yelled happily, waving a hand to try to catch the Japanese boy's attention.

"Not NOW, Shindou!" Suguru snapped, waving him off. Shuichi froze, amethyst eyes beginning to form tears. Suguru looked up for a brief moment and winced. "Sorry, Shuichi," he said. "I'm very busy."

"I thought you'd wanna know how your Quatre is doing!" Shuichi said, tears drying up instantly. "He's really the best, like you said, though he's better at the violin, so we were thinking of doing a few songs with..."

Suguru's eyebrow twitched. Although it was a great task, he tuned the pink-haired singer's voice out and kept writing.

_Look here she comes now_

_Bow down and stare in wonder_

_Oh, how we love you_

_No flaws when you're pretending_

_But now I know she_

"Hey, what's this?" Shuichi chirped as he snatched the notebook out of Suguru's hands.

"Give that back, Shindou!" Fujimiya yelped, standing up.

Shuichi ignored him cheerfully and set about scanning the lyrics up and down. "'Perfect by nature; icons of self-indulgence; just what we all need; more lies about a world that; never was and never will be.' Wow! That's nice, Fujimiya! Whassit called?"

Suguru paled and took it out of his hands. "Everybody's Fool," he said quietly.

"Did _you_ write that, Suguru-kun?" Shuichi asked, tilting his head. "It's so cool!" His eyebrows furrowed. "It sounds a bit like Tenshi's new stuff, actually."

_Never was and never will be_

_You don't know how you've betrayed me_

_You know you've got everybody fooled_

'_This... is bad,'_ Suguru thought with a wince. _'I need to put this song on my new CD, and Shuichi will no doubt buy it. And then... he'll know...'_

_**Overwhelming darkness. Pain. Pain... PAIN! Shuichi. Can't let him see. I have to get out.. Get out!**_

"Hey Suguru? Are you okay? You're really pale."

"Yeah... I'm fine, Shindou-san," Suguru said weakly, wiping a sleeve across his forehead. He could see Akuma's face again, burning in his mind with beauty and crass grace. _'Sorry, Seti... I have to. Just this one time.'_

"Shuichi? I have to tell you something."

--

Tatsuha watched the screen of the TV avidly. Shuichi had been late to the recording studio, so he had immediately turned on the channel that had the music videos.

"We have new information on Fallen Angel!" the punk woman said with a light smirk. Tatsuha promptly fell of the chair, much to the amusement of the masses. "It seems that Tenshi had agreed to release the last album he and Akuma worked on together. The title of the album is 'Lilith', and it features hit songs "Children of Lilith", "Black Snow", and "Everything You Wanted". There's also a new song featured in it a teaser for the new CD called "Freaky Friday". It's out in two short weeks, so pre-order your CDs and line up outside the doors now."

_Without the mask_

_Where will you hide?_

_Can't find yourself_

_Lost in your lie_

Shuichi slammed the door open, his face completely red. He looked like he was out for blood. Suguru was obediently allowing himself to be dragged along behind. There was a wince of his face and his hair, which no one had previously known the extent of the length, was down. It fell, long and shimmering, so dark a green it was nearly black.

"Tell them or I'm going to," Shuichi snapped, shoving Suguru into the middle of the small group.

"I said I was sorry, Shuichi!" Suguru pleaded, tossing long locks out of his eyes. "Really, Shindou, stop being so dramatic."

"I wasn't kidding when I said I would tell them," Shuichi said darkly, his normally cheerful face looking extremely upset. Suguru rolled his eyes with well-hidden fear and looked at the group. Hiroshi, Noriko (who was once again neglecting her Nittle Grasper duties), K, Tatsuha, Yuki, and Sakano.

_'On the bright side, two of the six already know,'_ he thought without humor, trying to see the light.

_**Darkness...**_

_I know the truth now_

_I know who you are_

_And I don't love you anymore_

"I had to tell him, Riko-san," he told her, not looking at anyone but the lavender-haired woman. Her eyes widened and there was a sharp intake of breath from her corner.

"What's going on, Shuichi?" Hiro asked sharply. "Why are you dragging Fujimiya around everywhere?"

"Say it, Suguru."

Suguru looked at Tatsuha for a moment longer, meeting the obsidian gaze with his own dark russet one. There was some sign of apology in it, some sign of regret and questioning. Then he looked away, because he had no right.

_It never was and never will be_

_You don't know how you've betrayed me_

_And somehow you've got everybody fooled_

_Never was and never will be_

_You're not real and you can't save me_

_And somehow now you're everybody's fool_

"I'm Tenshi, of Fallen Angel."

--

_Wolf- I am so, so, so, so, SO sorry about how long this took to get out! The other chapters were already written and this one wasn't, y'see! Anyway, I tweaked the previous chapters. Anything you didn't like or was extremely lame and unprofessional is now gone. Check it out if you want, but there were no major changes._

_Min'na-san, kudasai... REVIEW!_


	7. My Immortal

_Wolf- The song intercept that Akuma sings in this chapter belongs to Nirvana. You should all know it! "Smells Like Teen Spirit"._

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gravi. I own some manga, but that's it. I want to own the DVDs, but alas._

--

_**My Immortal**_

_I'm so tired of being here..._

_Suppressed by all my_

_Childish fears_

The next time I met him was the Sakura Festival in the city. I had to go by myself because Cousin Tohma was very busy. Cousin Tohma is always real busy because he's a famous musician and all! Except he's quitting... for me. After all of that mess with my foster parents, it's the least he could do. I feel guilty, but feeling sorry for myself overpowers it sometimes. That feeds my guilt.

I suppose that isn't healthy, but my parents died and my foster parents were... let's just say they were. That gives me a little bit of an excuse to wallow in my guilt.

The pink flowers on the sakura trees are very beautiful. At the festival, everyone was laughing so happily and running around. People were selling food and there were games, and a parade was going to be going on soon. It was all very fun.

"You again, kid?" His voice was unreadable to me. Tilting my head, my dark hair spilled over my shoulders as I looked at him.

"Yeah, it's me," I said to him quietly. I didn't know much about him other than the fact that he was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen. There was something about him, some quality, that I admired. He didn't act this way on purpose, but I think his very darkness was what drew me to him.

--

"You're Tenshi," Hiro's voice was stunned into montone. Suguru swallowed convulsively and began to toy with one of his necklaces.

"I didn't want to tell anyone," he whispered, looking at the ground with shaded russet eyes. "I didn't want anyone to know. He... he didn't want me to tell anyone. I wanted to honor that."

Tatsuha's eyes narrowed. "Who didn't want you to tell anyone?" he asked with something in his voice that wasn't readable. Suguru bit his lip.

"He didn't want me to tell... No one was supposed to know my name. I was his angel, he was the fallen. When I told him we were both fallen, he didn't understand completely. Then I explained... he got it. He started to care more after that, stopped being..."

Noriko crossed over to him sharply and hugged him tightly. "You don't have to tell them, Suguru. This isn't their business. You're not part of Bad Luck anymore." He hugged her back for a moment then pulled away.

**_Darkness... void and cold. I can't do this. Not again. Not again. Not again. Not again..._**

--

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

"Seti, why do you even bother with me?" I asked one day. We were in the park this time. He had given into fate and started talking to me after the Sakura Festival. He was leaning back against the tree with those dragon green eyes closed, smoking. I was flat out against the grass, smiling up at the sun.

He looked at me with heavy lidded eyes as the smoke surrounded him. "You're a cute kid, and you put up a decent conversation."

I twisted around and smiled at him. "Thanks, Seti." He was complimenting me in his own way, he really was, and I knew it. I was always so sure I knew what he meant. Half the time I was right, but the other half of the time was turbulant.

He snorted, but he didn't say anything. I had closed my eyes, head turned towards the sky again, so I didn't see his gentle smile.

"Tell me, Fujisaki, why do _you_ bother with _me_?" he asked me, stubbing out the cigarette on one of his palms. The hiss and the sickeningly sweet smell of burning flesh filled the air. I turned towards him again, looking at him through fluffy bangs.

"Because, Akuma," I said to him softly. "You're not like anybody else." Scooting over to him, I brushed my hand against one of his cheeks shyly. "You're... darker. Like a fallen angel." _'And it isn't an act. It doesn't make me sick to look at you. ...I don't want to cry when I see you.'_

He grunted and shoved me away. It hurt me, caused this heavy feeling in my chest that made me want to cry, but I ignored it. He was my friend; simple enough. No matter what he did, I would stand beside him.

Cousin Tohma didn't like him. I'll never understand why.

--

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

"Suguru?" Shuichi's voice was panicked as he shook Suguru's shoulder. He had been silent for too long, unresponsive for too long.

Noriko sighed. "He gets like this when he's overwhelmed. Give him a minute," she said. She hugged Suguru again, her lavender hair falling in his face in a soft fall.

**_STOP!_**

Suguru shook himself abruptly, a hard look entering his eyes, turning them to hard black obsidians. "Sorry," he told them. "I must have lost myself in my thoughts for a moment." A brisk had was rushed through his long hair.

"Yes, I'm Tenshi, all that's left of Fallen Angel. I didn't just turn seventeen, I just turned fifteen. I've been Tenshi since I was twelve. Now, if you'll excuse me..." He flashed Shuichi a deceptively sweet smile and shrugged the pink-haired teen off sharply. "...I have a record to get out."

He smiled that saccharine smile again, exactly like his cousin's, and pushed his way back out the door. He stumbled into his apartment some time later with his eyes dry. He immediately went to the keyboard, fingers tracing over the familiar words: FALLEN ANGEL.

Fishing out a paper, he began to write, finally letting his tears stain the page with their bitterness. Then he played.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have..._

_All of me_

--

It was a year after I met him that we came up with the idea to try to sing together. My voice rose so clear and innocent, just after puberty had hit. He loved hearing me sing, used to give me one of those rare smiles while I did it. I don't think he realized.

I was twelve and he was fifteen when I showed him what Cousin Tohma had been teaching me on the keyboard and synthesizer. His mother had used to give him lessons on their old piano before her cough had gotten so bad and she had gotten so weak. She could hardly leave the bed anymore. And we dueled, just for fun, just to laugh with each other.

"With the lights out, it's less dangerous! Here we are now-- entertain us! I feel stupid, and contagious! Here we are now-- entertain us!"

It started when we were just having fun. I was laughing every two seconds, and we sang a song from one of those American CDs that Ryuichi kept bringing back. It was something we loved doing every time we were together.

We had been singing the song on pure voice alone, but I finished up with my own intricate keyboarding. From the door, Tohma was stunned.

"You guys sound good," he said, as if surprised. I smiled at him sunnily. "Thank you, Cousin Tohma!"

He smiled at me, an unvoluntarily response to my happiness. I was always happy around that time, because it hadn't gotten so stressful yet.

"You know, I could get you a contract." The look in his eyes was enterprising. He had just started his production business, and already he was hooking people in. He knew how. His innocent look was compelling for a twenty-seven year old.

"You could?"

My eyes were so wide, and Akuma was tense in not wanting to get his hopes up. Tohma knew he could market a two young fallen angels. I never have blamed him, because what happened after was Akuma Seti's decision. Not Tohma's.

Tohma nodded.

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

--

Two weeks later, Lilith was released. All those days, Children of Lilith was playing over and over again. The only relief was to Suguru was that they weren't playing Freaky Friday. If they did, he'd probably be freezing up everytime he walked into a store.

"I kinda miss them," Suguru whispered to the water of the fountain in the park. He touched the cool water with a sad, wistful smile. Looking into the reflective surface, he thought he caught a glimpse of a familiar face behind him. When he turned with a jolt, there was nothing. He shrugged, then stood. He couldn't mope forever at the loss of his friendship with the Bad Luck crew. He needed to consult Sakano so he could interview his new agent, but that could wait. He just wanted to walk for a while.

Leaving the park for downtown, he walked through the commons with ease. He enjoyed the people that were around him, their diversity. He just watched.

"Suguru?"

Brown eyes flashed upwards to the face of Nakano Hiroshi. The auburn hair was all flung about as it often was, and he looked hesitant, but not angry. Searching his face, Suguru saw there was no resentment in it. None.

"C'mon." Hiro pulled him into a café easily and that began their long talk.

_Your face, it haunts_

_My once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away_

_All the sanity in me_

--

It was getting to him, while our first CD was coming out, but it was even worse afterwards. There was so much publicity that had to go on, and he was getting steadily more possessive of my time. Our first kiss was rough, him desperately trying to claim me. I wanted it more than anything; more than air, more than life.

We just embraced. I loved being with him. I loved... him. I love him still, and I always will. He became abusive when I went out for too long, if I talked to other people. It was the stress. We were too young for all of this push and shove.

And I still loved him.

--

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time can't erase_

"I wouldn't hate you because you kept something from me, Suguru."

Suguru shrugged, looking down for a moment before he came back with the familiar enterprising smile on your face. "After all, who else would help you with your love life?" he said, laughing. He tilted his head when Hiroshi laughed, not embarrassed in the least.

"Right, Fujisaski-san! Who else would have listened to me whine about Shuichi, after all?"

Suguru made a face. "Your friends. It's not that hard to figure it out. Everyone but Shuichi knows, and that includes our beloved Uesugi Eiri."

"You just don't get that you're our friend, do you." His voice was affirmative, no question being asked.

Suguru didn't say anything, just letting his eyes sparkle for a moment with a humor that was directed at himself. "I know that you're my friends. It's just hard to understand that you might put up with all my shit and not think it's too much work."

Hiro might have said something else, but Suguru was no longer paying attention. It just didn't seem to matter. He continued to talk to Hiro, but his mind was clearly elsewhere.

"Hiro, I gotta go," he said suddenly, standing up and throwing a few bucks down on the table. "I'll see you later."

Hiro was left staring after his friend with narrowed eyes.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have..._

_All of me_

--

It had become too much. It had come to hurt far too much. I could barely stand it anymore, despite the fact that after I told him about my past he was more gentle than me. Everything was just building up to be too much around me.

I love him with all of my heart, but it was hard to be around him and to remember everything, all our history. I didn't want to force him to be around me when I was like this, and it hurt too much for me to stay.

There was a warehouse that we used to like to play our music in. It was broken down, but the structure of it was still pretty safe. It had broken windows and pipes, and the plaster on the walls was cracked.

To this day there are scars on my wrists, wrist to elbow, cut straight along the vein. I didn't do it right, though. I was too afraid that I might live and might not be able to play the keyboard correctly if I pressed too hard. I'll never know how Seti found me, but he did. He thought I was dying. And he didn't want to live without me.

Tohma had put a tracker on me and had called an ambulance. I was saved. I never saw Akuma again.

It's my fault he's dead. He died for me and I stubbornly lived. It's all my fault. I wonder if he blames me. I wonder if he wants me to be in the afterlife with him. I wonder if he misses me.

_I've tried to hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along_

All I'll ever be able to do is wonder now. I'll never be able to forget this. I'll never be able to see him again. When every night a scream rises in my throat, I'll bite it down. And I won't let tears streak down. Cousin Tohma thinks I'm traumatized. I think that I'm just barely sane, and I'm proud of that. At least I still have a little bit of sanity left. That's more than some people get.

...gods, I'm being so melodramatic.

--

_Wolf- I am SO SO SO sorry it took so long to get this out! I was figuring out some stuff pertaining to the chapters, and I'm really busy. We moved and bunch of other stuff!_

_Tenshi- Read and review._

_Wings- Any reviews. She's really desperate to know she hasn't lost her reviewers._


	8. Haunted

_Wolf- I am SOO SORRY! It shouldn't have taken this long, but my computer stopped working on the internet. This chapter was only done in a couple of days, too! I am soooo sooooo sorry! Please forgive me! I promise that the next one will be out super quick! On Monday or Tuesday, I promise, and today's Friday!_

_I do not own Gravitation. I do own the manga, and am working on getting the DVDs._

--

**Haunted**

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me_

_Still can't find what keeps me here_

_When all this time I've been so hollow inside_

_I know you're still there_

Tohma had been looking into Akuma Seti's death to try to learn all the details ever since Akuma had died. He couldn't believe that he had turned a blind eye to all that had happened between his cousin and Akuma Seti. If only he had been less preoccupied with his starting company.

Sighing, he tapped on the keyboard to scroll through some more information. He ran a hand through his hair, the leopard-print glove that covered it snagging in the knots.

He had been thinking about it more lately, about what had happened. From what he had been able to gather, Akuma had been getting increasingly stressed out about his music career. It had always been his way to use physical violence to express himself, but Suguru had been so young... He still couldn't believe he hadn't noticed that they were sleeping together. Suguru hadn't understood, had thought it was his fault. It had piled on him until his wrists were slit, even though they had reconciled just a month before. And Akuma had followed him to the death.

_'Maybe it really _was_ love...'_ Tohma thought with half-lidded eyes. His fingers stopped moving when he saw the news report about Akuma's death and Tenshi's disappearance.

Tohma's heart had always been held by Eiri, but he had never wanted to burden Eiri with it too much. That was why he understood. It was also why he understood Hiro, about the matter of Shuichi, despite all that had happened between them.

Tiny signs of stress in Akuma had started during the first tour Fallen Angel had given. Tohma had noticed it somewhat distractedly. During those days he had barely had time to pat Suguru on the head in passing.

_'I can't keep doing this,'_ Tohma thought, firmly closely the documents that had been opened. _'It wasn't my fault. If I had just had the time to see them act together, though... No. I can't blame myself._

"Tohma." It was the little violinist and pianist who had been assigned to Bad Luck, Quatre. He used Tohma's first name with far too much familiarity to make Tohma comfortable.

The blonde looked up at Quatre with barely-concealed unease. "Yes, Quatre?" People had said that Quatre and Tohma were alike. They were exactly alike, which was one of the reasons that it unsettled Tohma to see the boy.

"Tohma, I want to talk to you about Fujisaki-san."

_'He respects Suguru at least,'_ Tohma thought wryly. He tilted his head for Quatre to go on. The heir to Winner Enterprises Incorporated, the young teen was spoiled and vain, but he was a gentle boy at heart.

"I've thought over the best way to ask and have decided that it would be easiest just to do so. Why did Fujisaki leave Bad Luck? If I am to be his successor, I should know."

Tohma smiled that cool, meaningless smile that he used for business meetings. He would have to lie. This was Suguru's secret to tell and Suguru's alone. Not that he minded lying. He was used to it in his line of work.

--

_Watching me, wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_Fearing you, loving you_

_I won't let you pull me down_

Suguru had been thinking about Akuma more, lately. It was because he had started up Fallen Angel again. The problem was that he couldn't finish his new CD, couldn't even start a new CD, without at least one more member.

_'Since Seti isn't an option, who should be my bandmate?'_ he wondered, feeling the familiar ache inside at Akuma's name. _'I know a lot of people in the business, but they all already have bands. The only one I know that doesn't is...'_

Taki. Suguru had somewhat admired that Taki would do anything for his band, even if he didn't like the ways he chose to implement it. The man was psychotic, dangerous, and a damn fine musician. Maybe Taki would be the one to be in the band with him. Tohma had made him seek counseling, even though Taki had told him where to stick his advice. He might be better. He certainly fit the Fallen Angel bill.

Could he do it, though? Let someone try to take Akuma's place? He didn't think he could. A new place, maybe? A new person? The dueling keyboarding had always been Fallen Angels trademark, but he hadn't wanted it to be the same. It still hurt too much. It always would.

"It might work," Suguru whispered into the empty room, eyes fluttering closed. Resting his hands behind his head, a long, slow sigh was released. The 'might' was the part that was worrying him so greatly.

_Hunting you I can smell you-- alive_

_Your heart pounding in my head_

A few days later Suguru was puzzling over a song, wondering why he couldn't manage to get the words he wanted out. It had always flowed easily, coming from him in a flood of pain and more pain. When Tohma had told him that he could have a 'normal' persona and his real self on stage, he hadn't wanted to. Lately, he had been trying, though. He just couldn't separate himself completely.

He had made it to the chorus of the song and was waiting for what he wanted to fall out onto the paper. He read over the last line he had scrawled, idly scanning it just to try to figure out what the next verse would be. 'I won't let you pull me down', the last line read, but wasn't that what he was letting happen?

Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to care. That wasn't the point, though. The point was that he didn't know what the verse should be. It was going to be short, two lines, maybe, or three. Yet...

Groaning, he slammed the folder closed and crossed his arms over his chest. The pout on his lips would have been childish if his silky dark green hair wasn't falling all over his shoulders, spilling over his bare chest.

Sometimes he hated being an angel and trying to live up to perfection.

He was tired, and the bed looked inviting. He didn't want to think anymore, so it was time to go to sleep. Standing, he walked over and crawled into bed.

--

Tatsuha looked over the star-spangled night sky over the Buddhist temple longingly. If only he could fly with the birds, be free to wander... His duties lay here, with his family, though. His father was becoming ill again, not that he believed the old man would croak off in a million years. The temple was a family thing, but Tatsuha didn't want to be what he was. He didn't want to be a monk.

Lonely, shattered brown eyes came to him, breaking through his other thoughts. He guessed he now knew why Suguru always looked so sad. He was Tenshi. His lover had suicided.

Fujisaki Suguru's face was achingly beautiful. The soft curve of his cheek, a pointed chin that was almost elven, and softly sparkling brown eyes. The hair that was so long now was so deep a black it seemed green most of the time.

Tatsuha had felt lust before, of course, but he had never felt such a need to protect someone in his life. More than anything, he wanted to escape from being a monk and just do what he wanted to do with his life.

_'Might as well visit Eiri again.'_ Then he thought, amused, _'Maybe the old bastard will croak off on my way to see the wonder writer and his gorgeous, Ryuichi-like boy toy.'_

He got up and got the bags he hadn't even had time to unpack yet.

--

_Watching me, wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_Saving me, raping me_

_I won't let you pull me down_

Tohma was looking over the files again, Ryuichi perched in his lap with childish curiosity clear in his gaze as he looked at the screen. "Kumagorou wants to know if you're ever going to stop working!" he said, laughing. His eyes narrowed when he looked at Tohma more directly. "And so do I. It can't be good for you, Tohma-kun!"

Tohma sighed. "Sorry, Ryu."

He hadn't the heart to throw the singer off his lap and tell him that, once again, he was behaving more like an American than a Japanese man. Or a five-year-old. Besides... he rather liked having Ryuichi in his lap. He liked close contact with those he loved, but Mika rarely touched him. In fact, most of the time they didn't run in the same circles. They didn't even live together.

"Just a few more minutes." His eyes scrolled down the screen one more time at the news one of his agents had given him. And his heart began to pound. "Holy shit..." was his soft murmur.

"What is it, Tohma?" Ryuichi demanded. He peered at the screen, but could barely understand more than one hirigana in a page.

"It's about Akuma," Tohma murmured. "Suguru is going to... Gods, I don't know if he knows or not."

"What is it?" Ryuichi demanded. Tohma ignored him.

--

_Watching me, wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_Fearing you, loving you_

_I won't let you pull me down_

Tohma's pale golden hair was tousled when Suguru saw him, and it wasn't intentionally. The normally neat, stylish man looked like he hadn't slept much and had thrown on the first clothes he saw. As such, he was wearing a ratty T-shirt and ragged jeans.

"Suguru..." the voice was quiet, intense. Standing beside him were his bandmates, almost as if they were emotional support for whatever was going on. Hiroshi was there too, hovering beside Fujisaki on the couch.

"Cousin?" Suguru questioned, looking up from the folder and the song he had been working on once again. He had been trying to work around the missing verse, and it wasn't working quite right. His heart was pounding right now, and he was sure the others could hear it. He wasn't sure why he was so scared.

"I received some information early this morning. I... I don't know if I should..."

"Tell him." Noriko's voice was no-nonsense. She flipped her lavender hair over her shoulder as she stared the man down. For once, he looked nervous. He seemed so off-balance it was making Suguru off-balance.

"Akuma's alive."

**_The cold... so penetrating. Dark. Light. Dark. Light. Where...? Alive! I didn't..._**

All he could feel was numb for several moments, but then he began to laugh hysterically, so hard he cried. Sliding closer to him, Hiro's arms wrapped around him in a comforting embrace. And all Suguru could think was that now he knew what that lyric for his song should be.

_'Hunting you I can smell you-- alive...'_

--

_Wolf- So wha'dya think? I've been planning this little gem since forever! Please review, if only so I know that someone missed me! Kisses and review._

_K- (raises gun) Or die._


	9. Tourniquet

Author's note at bottom. As usual, I cut some choruses and bridges because the songs are too damn long.

--

**Tourniquet**

_I tried to kill the pain_

_But only brought more (so much more...)_

_I lay, dying_

_And I'm pouring_

_Crimson regret_

_And betrayal_

_Depression wasn't a wonderful thing. He could feel the utter weight of it drag him down as if he was drowning, and he hated the water. Suguru couldn't remember a time when something like that hadn't lurked in the corners of his mind. Perhaps when he was a child in his mother's arms._

_Suguru had just come from a concert. It had been long and hard, and with Akuma still trying to apologize to him it hadn't been very fun. He missed the times when music had just been fun._

_Brown eyes looked at the ground and stayed there. He remembered this warehouse, every step leading him deeper into it. He remembered dodging around the pipes in a rough parody of hide and seek, setting up the keyboards here so it wouldn't bother anyone. And he could remember laughing._

_He was still wearing the clothes from the concert, his black clothes and the white denim jacket. Falling into the corner, he pushed up his sleeve. There would be twin slashes on his forearms, wrist to elbow, for all of his life. The white of the jacket dipped into the blood, sullying it._

_"Suguru?" Akuma yelled, looking around the warehouse. "I thought I saw... SUGURU!" Akuma fell to his knees before his lover, looking into the blurry brown eyes. "Suguru, you can't--" The dark head bowed over Suguru and he found the knife taken from his numb hands._

_"I'd follow you anywhere, Suguru..."_

The bright sunlight blinded his eyes as Suguru awoke suddenly, body covered in sweat and tears. He hugging his knees to him, he rested his head on them. His breathing labored on, hard and loud, as he scrabbled to retrieve his mind from the past.

_'He's alive... Why didn't he--?'_

"Suguru?" The dark-haired keyboardist looked up curiously. This was his apartment, there was no doubt, but who was in it? Then he remembered. They had brought him back, and Tatsuha had stayed with him to make sure he didn't do anything stupid.

Suguru didn't know why he would bother. Why, somehow, Tatsuha could see past a whole crowd just to see him. Suguru had always tried to be nondescript, ever since he had lived with his uncle after his parents death. He tried to blend in, to hide, even in shrouds of forest dark hair and flashing brown eyes. Yet somehow Tatsuha had seen.

The ebony-haired monk slid Fujisaki's door open and walked inside. Suguru watched him silently as he threw himself into a chair. There was no hesitation in his step, no sign that he might be worried. None. Tatsuha was truly a unique man.

"Hey. Do you want something to eat? I make a really mean omelette. Or maybe pancakes, though I'm not really so..."

The corner of Suguru's mouth twitched. He was babbling. "I'm fine for now," he said, voice husky from the laughter that had torn through his throat like he had swallowed glass. He _was_ fine for the moment, but with Akuma alive he really didn't know how he was going to stay that way.

--

_I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming_

_Am I too lost_

_To be saved_

_Am I too lost?_

_Akuma was bitter and irritable, and completely gave in to every 'bad boy' image presented to him. That was what Suguru loved about him, though. Because beneath whatever new façade Akuma had decided to take on, he was sweet and loved people as much as he could._

_Suguru was willing to bet that this new irritability was one of those new façades. It was possible that Akuma was actually stressed by their new fame. In fact, he probably thought that he was. The fact remained that Akuma loved being bad almost more than he loved fame. Putting the two together was putting together a match and a tub full of fireworks. Something bad was going to happen._

_Suguru shot him a glance out of the corner of his eye, sidelong and with a bit of sorrow and love. Akuma was Akuma, and so it remained. Akuma Seti would scream and he would rage, but somewhere beneath that Suguru knew. He knew that Akuma loved him._

_A small smile played across Akuma's lips once Suguru looked away. The long-haired boy was so sweet, and being loved wasn't something that Akuma was used to just knowing._

_But Suguru was Suguru, and there it remained._

--

_My god, my tourniquet_

_Return to me salvation_

_My god, my tourniquet_

_Return to me salvation_

"I don't like talking at concerts." Once again, the words were short, soft. "Seti always did that, and I never liked to. This is on the last album that Seti and I did together. So just listen."

Tenshi's eyes flared as he stepped back from the crowds and his adept fingers sprang across the keyboard with a life of their own, twisting and turning but never tripping over each other. He wove a complex melody through the sheer power of the clear notes, undeniably puzzling but also undeniably beautiful.

As he sang, Tatsuha watched him from backstage. He was so deft in the placement of his fingers, so completely immersed in the song and the emotions that came with it. It was like he had bottled every emotion into his songs and it only came out when he sang. And that was what made these newest songs so good, despite the fact they weren't the Fallen Angel norm.

Tenshi could feel the monk's dark eyes burning between his shoulderblades and let his hair fall across his cheek. He didn't want to be seen, not like that. Not with some sort of understanding or pity. He didn't want that in any way. He had to do this himself, the way he always had. He had to find out what was best for him.

Akuma hadn't been like that. He had always known perfectly well what was right for him and when he found otherwise he bullied through it as if he knew it all along. Akuma had been false and sweet and absolutely in love with him. Tenshi had to wonder if he still was.

It was like an ache somewhere deep in his soul to know that Akuma had been hiding from him when he had loved Akuma so much, so deeply. And it made him want to scream.

The song ended. "I... There will be a brief intermission now."

He bolted.

Backstage was empty except Tatsuha, for once. He hadn't been expected to take a break for another four songs, but he had needed it. His cousin might not have wanted him to do this concert considering the circumstances, but he had needed to.

"Suguru?"

But then, what was need?

_Do you remember me?_

_Lost for so long..._

_Will you be on the other side, or will you forget me?_

He had needed Akuma so much and this was what had happened. He missed Akuma so much, but he couldn't give into this. He couldn't just give up everything, his entire life, just because of someone else's problems. Yet despite all that, he couldn't give up hope either.

"Suguru, are you all right?" Tatsuha asked anxiously, touching the young keyboardist's shoulder. Tenshi spun around and buried his head on Tatsuha's shoulder, breathing in the warmth of his neck.

"Why do you see me?" The words were muffled against the cloth of Tatsuha's shirt. "How can you just see past everyone and see me?"

Tatsuha blinked, stumped, and the first words that he thought were the first that came out of his mouth. "Because you're perfect."

And Tenshi laughed. "Far from it." He drew back and big brown eyes blinked up at Tatsuha. Suguru was so small, so delicate, but he was so strong. You could feel it from him like an inner gravitation that pulled you in. "You know..." A pale hand traced Tatsuha's cheek. "I think... that you're Fallen too." A finger brushed against the corner of one of the monk's eyes. "It's in your eyes."

--

Suguru sat on his couch with his legs curled under him, trying to read despite his thoughts. He couldn't give up life because of Akuma, but he couldn't stop mourning him either. He refused to stop either. He loved living and he loved Akuma, but those things didn't have to not co-exist.

"SUGURU! We've come bearing pizza!" Shindou shouted, door banging open. "And ice cream! And strawberry pocky!" The pink-headed whirlwind bounced into the room like a monkey on crack. Although crude, it was true. Shuichi was very strange.

"And I have come bearing some food you will actually enjoy," Hiroshi said dryly, pushing back dark russet locks of hair. "Or at least get to eat. Shuichi brought just about enough for him and his stomach."

"I can't eat _this_ much!" Shuichi protested, hefting his three pizza boxes. Suguru stifled laughter. Truth being, Shuichi could. He guessed that he was forgiven. He didn't think that Shindou would stay mad at him for long anyway, considering who was being discussed, but he had worried.

He had never had many people he considered friends, always being an odd and quiet child who had spent more time at a keyboard than outside. He consider Shuichi a friend, though, and even more so Hiro. He didn't want to lose those friendships. He didn't want to lose whatever he had with Tatsuha, either.

--

_I want to die!_

_My wounds cry for the grave_

_My soul cries... for deliverance_

_Will I be denied Christ?_

_Tourniquet_

_My suicide_

_Suguru's eyes traced over the harsh planes of Akuma's face, drifting over the soft lips and the hard-as-diamonds eyes. Akuma had been his best friend for a long time, but he had always loved him and been fascinated with him. Ever since he had met the Fallen that day he had wanted to stick by his side forever._

_"Why do you do that?" Akuma's words were harsh, as always, but that didn't mean he was actually being cruel. He was just gruff sometimes, and more than a little confused on how to show affection. It had been Suguru's good luck that he always understood what Akuma was trying to say. "Like that. Staring at me, I mean."_

_Suguru smiled softly, brushing long green-black strands of hair away from his face. "Just because, Seti. Don't worry about it."_

_Akuma snorted and looked a way, a flush high on his cheeks._

_Suguru linked his hands behind his head, feeling the long, thin line where there were a few strands of white. His head had been scarred once so deeply it had destroyed the color pigment, but he tried not to think about that anymore. Not since he had met Akuma._

_Still, it didn't change what he felt. Because what he would do within the next few days wasn't Akuma's fault; it was his own. Whatever sadness persisted in him, whatever depression he felt so deeply that it shook him, wasn't Akuma's fault._

_Maybe things were messed up, but sometimes messed up was all right. Even if he felt like everything was fine with Akuma now, even if he could forgive him for his mistakes, that didn't mean that what had happened before was gone._

_After the concert tonight, he supposed it would all be gone._

--

Sorry! A day later than I said, but some relatives showed up for Thanksgiving and I was at my sister's over the weekend, so I couldn't work on anything. Chapter out next week sometime, probably. Maybe two if I hit a snag.


	10. Imaginary

Okay, so maybe this chapter is a little shorter than the other ones. But trust me; it's important and it's a pretty good chapter. You're going to get a nice little hidden surprise, too. Hehehe! For those who asked for more Tatsuha/Suguru interaction, good thing I was planning it anyway.

--

**Imaginary**

_I linger in the doorway_

_Of alarm-clock screaming, monsters calling my name_

_Let me stay_

_Where the wind will whisper to me_

_Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story_

Suguru was taking a bit of a break, both from the concerts and from the recording of the new album. He was settling back into the groove of his life, hanging out with his friends, trying to take a breath. He was so sick of being depressed.

Shuichi and Hiroshi hadn't often been in his apartment. Shuichi was looking around with those wide violet eyes now that he was actually paying attention, studying the two keyboards, one in each corner, and the guitar leaning against the couch. A small fan made the muggy air circulate lazily around the apartment, mixing take-out smells with pizza.

Hiro noticed more than Shuichi did, but Suguru knew that he wouldn't say anything when he saw the words Fallen Angel blazed on both keyboards in peeling letters, one with Akuma's name on it and one with his.

"Shuichi!" Tatsuha sang out, slamming the door open cheerily. "My brother is having a fit; something about clothes where they don't belong and sauce on his couch AND his favorite shirt."

Shuichi paled and whispered dramatically, "He found it? No..." He whined softly and hid his face in his hands. Suguru laughed behind a hand, brown eyes dancing with laughter. Shuichi was amusing even when he was annoying, and he had an almost child-like attitude that made life with him quite refreshing.

Tatsuha threw himself down on the couch next to Suguru, just barely touching him. He still could have avoided the touching, shifted away from the keyboardist, but he didn't. Suguru looked at the ebony-haired monk out of the corner of his eye, but said nothing. Tatsuha wasn't really crowding him, it was just that he was a little closer than a person normally would be. It was... nice.

--

_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

_I lie inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_

Fujisaki had been putting this off for too long. He needed to go see the man that he wanted as his bandmate, the only one that could play well enough and be the right kind. Maybe subconsciously Suguru had been putting this off. He didn't want Akuma to think that he was replacing him in any way. Because Akuma Seti could not be replaced. He was irreplacable.

"Taki?" he voiced the question to the hunched over figure at the bar, greasy black hair hanging lank in the former ASK singer's eyes. ASK was done and over with, had more or less been a one-hit wonder.

"Wha'...? Fujisaki?" Taki's brown eyes were bleary as he looked the pale keyboardist's figure. "Wha' do ya want? Ta kill me now?" He laughed bitterly. "Sorry; yer cousin already tried tha'."

Rolling his eyes slightly, Suguru ignored the slur and placed a hand carefully on Taki's shoulder. "Come on, Taki. Once you're sober I want to talk to you."

A couple hours later with a few gallons of coffee and nearly half a bottle of aspirin in him, Taki was finally able to focus on Suguru without nearly keeling over. Cradling a steaming mug in his hands, he stared at the former member of Bad Luck suspiciously. "What do you _want_, Fujisaki?"

Taki's eyes scanned over Suguru's figure in a little bit of wonder; Suguru knew that he didn't look a thing like he had when he first started Bad Luck. Right now his long green-black hair was in a long braid that trailed between his shoulderblades to whip the small of his back when he walked. His perky, sly features held a bit more sadness than they had, something he no longer was able to hide with expertise, and a pair of black sunglasses were perched on his head.

"Taki-san, I am am no longer part of Bad Luck," he stated. "But I am sure that you already knew that. Most do by now. Before I was in Bad Luck, I had my own band, but on the death of one of my bandmates I stopped." He paused for a moment. Was this betrayal, to tell Taki what Akuma had wanted no one but those who were necessary to know? "We released two CDs, if I remember correctly, and each one hit platinum within a month at the very least. I started the band up again, and I want you to be a part of it."

Taki glared. "If this is a joke..." he warned. "What band?"

Suguru licked his lips carefully. This was the hard part. He smirked at Taki in the way that had made the singer want to kill him back on that hospital bed. "Don't worry; my cousin can vouch for me. Fallen Angel."

Taki's eyes widened. "I repeat, if you're lying..." Then he shook his head sharply. "But if you're not, then yes."

Suguru grinned. "I knew you'd see reason, Taki."

--

_Don't say I'm out of touch_

_With this rampant chaos-- your reality_

_I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge..._

_The nightmare I built my own word to escape_

Tenshi stepped once again into the darkness of the stage, listening to the loud screams and murmurs that greeted him. Everyone knew that he wouldn't speak until he could hear himself think, though. Once it faded into a low hum, he let his voice wash through the microphone and over the crowd.

"I'm sure you all know who I am," Tenshi stated, a smile in his voice. The screams made their appearance again before fading out. Tenshi was in good mood for the first time in months, laughter filling his brown eyes until he nearly burst. "This is my last concert in Japan before I dedicate my time solely to my new CD, then my world tour."

Everyone groaned and he could hear the people nearest to the stage begin to sob unhappily.

"You all know that I do not like to talk in concerts. What you do not know is that there is going to be a new member of Fallen Angel, a guitarist." A confused murmur. "N-no one could ever replace Akuma." He glared inwardly; he hated stuttering. "Which is why the dueling keyboards are gone until Seti appears from the grave." If Akuma was here, the idiot better appear right now. "I think that you'll like the new Fallen, though." Tenshi grinned slightly. "You liked him in ASK. Welcome Taki, would you. I'm going to go backstage and let you mull this over."

Once he closed the door to backstage, people began to scream again. Tenshi gave a small, breathless laugh and rested his head back against the warm wood of the doorway. That was the most he had ever said on stage, and he never wanted to have to say that much again. It was difficult, making convenient pauses for the joyous screams and shouts.

"Hey Tenshi? You okay?" Tatsuha again. Tenshi looked over to where Tatsuha was, warm golden eyes concerned. Tenshi smiled and walked over to the dark-haired young man. Looking him square in the eyes, the singer and keyboardist said, "You know, Tatsuha, I think I was wrong."

"About what?"

Tenshi stood on his tiptoes and shyly brushed his lips against the monk's. "I don't think you're Fallen. I think you're an angel." He dashed back out to the stage, leaving the poleaxed monk standing there.

--

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming_

_Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights_

_Oh how I long for the deep-sleep dreaming_

_The goddess of imaginary light_

Suguru couldn't sleep. He buried his head beneath his pillow, letting tears stain the white of the sheets below him. He really did hate the cry, which was why doing it so much lately was annoying him. Maybe Tohma had been right. Maybe he did need help. But he wanted so desperately to stand on his own two feet for once in his life. He had met too many counselers when Tohma had first adopted him after that mess with his uncle.

"Akuma..." The word was muttered, muffled beneath the pillow. "If I find you I'm going to kill you." He laughed, but it was a hopeless sound.

It wasn't shameful to need help. Suguru knew that, but he had always been independant. Always needed to figure out what was right and what was wrong for himself. It had resulted in a lot of bumps and bruises when he was a child and it resulted in a lot of bumps and bruises now.

"Akuma Seti, Fallen Angel." Sighing, Suguru emerged from the blankets and hit one of his speed dial buttons from the phone next to his bed. "Hello? Valhalla Private Investigating Firm?" "Yes?" "I need you to find someone for me."

Once the call was made, Suguru drifted to sleep and into dreams.

He dreamt, once more, of the past.

--

Once again I cut a couple of choruses. Just assume that I do unless I say that I haven't. Next chapter should be out pretty soon. Review, please. I need to know if I have anything that needs to be fixed, and if you have any ideas or thoughts you'd like to share, send them.


	11. Taking Over Me

On to the next! Thanks to those who reviewed. I really, really, really appreciate it! The next chapter is going to be after Christmas, though, unless a fit of inspiration strikes me. Excuse any spelling mistakes; I barely ever proof read. I really like this chapter! Hehehe.

--

**Taking Over Me**

_You don't remember me but I_

_Remember you_

_I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you_

_But who can decide what they dream_

_And dream I do..._

_He was standing in the dark and he knew that it was a dream. Usually he didn't, and at some point that vague thought made its way into his mind, but he dismissed it. He was familiar with this particular dream, this nightmare, this life._

_"Uncle Tori?" a younger Suguru knocked on the door to his uncle's study timidly, messy green-black hair falling over eyes that held a shy look in them. Since his parents had died, he had gone to live with his uncle. Normally, he would have gone to his cousin Tohma, but Tohma was just so busy that he hadn't been able to take Suguru._

_"Come in."_

_His uncle's voice was disgruntled, but after a moment of thought Suguru decided to ignore it and come into the study. What happened after was something that would remain in Suguru's mind for years to come. Done watching, the older Suguru turned away from the sight._

--

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you_

_I have to be with you to live, to breathe_

_You're taking over me_

The trembling notes from the keyboard filled the room, slowly melding into a fierce and passionate melody that wound the entire room in fierce pain and glory. Suguru smiled as the final notes faded away from the keyboard. The melody still vibrated in the walls, haunting them like a beauty that couldn't be seen.

Shuichi was scowling, a pout on his pretty face. "Why do you have to be so much better at it than me?" he asked grumpily. "Not fair."

Suguru laughed. "It comes with playing the piano since you were four. If you'd like to start now, maybe you could..."

The pink-haired singer cut him off with frantically waving arms. "No! No! That's fine, Suguru-kun! Don't worry about me. I'm good!"

No one had ever seen him play like this except as Tenshi; no one but Seti. It was kind of strange for someone besides immediate family to be hearing him do this, pour his heart and soul into the keys until everything faded. He needed the practice, though. He was trying to work out the music for some of his songs.

"You might want to leave now, Shindou," Suguru warned, tilting his head with a slight grin. "Taki is coming."

Yelping, Shuichi jumped to his feet and yelled, "I'm outta here!" before blazing out of the apartment. To tell the truth, Suguru felt a bit bad. He knew what Taki had put Suguru through, knew that he shouldn't have asked Taki to join his band for Shuichi alone. The question to be true to Fallen Angel or to be true to Shuichi held no comparison, though. And Shuichi didn't hold grudges. He didn't want to run into Taki, but if he did he wouldn't run him down.

"Fujisaki?" Taki knocked on the door briefly before coming in. There was something about how he walked-- slightly hunched over with hands shoved into his pockets, black hair in his eyes-- that still seemed a bit off-kilter. Suguru knew that even though Taki was a bit messed up, he wasn't going to be doing anything like he had before.

"Hello, Taki," he said smoothly, a smirk curling on his lips. "If you didn't bring your guitar you can grab any one except the one in the corner. I want you to try Going Under with me."

--

The man was back in the café again, which didn't usually happen this soon after he had already visited. He was sitting in the corner with a lost look on his face, making the waitress pout. He was Mei's favorite customer, so she desperately wished that he would be happier.

_'Why does he always have to be so sad?'_ she thought. He was making her sad, too. She stopped in front of his table to serve him. "Uesugi Tatsuha! You need caffeine!" she told him, stamping her foot.

He smiled at her; he usually did, for her. She had the feeling that she amused him, but considering the amount of coffee she had every day, she amused even herself. "I'll take a mocha swirl iced latté, Mei," Tatsuha said.

"Good choice!" the bouncy waitress replied, flashing him a smile. "It's so hot out today! It's a good thing it's air conditioned in here." She plopped herself down on the bench next to him. "Now tell me what's got you so upset."

He seemed to consider glaring at her for a moment, then let it pass him by and just sighed. She waited patiently except for the twitching foot, studying his shadowed face intently as the sun blared down on them from the nearby window. He gave in.

"Someone kissed me."

She blinked at him. That sounded nice; why was he so upset about it? "So why's that got you upset?"

Tatsuha pouted slightly, full lips twisting into a grimace. "Because they're still completely and totally hung up over their old boyfriend, and didn't tell me what the hell it meant. Just ran away."

She frowned. That did present a problem. "Well... ask what they meant by it. It's really the only thing you can do. You can't beat yourself up over it, especially if you don't know the answer." She stood. "I'll get your latté now."

He sighed heavily as she turned.

--

_Have you forgotten all I know?_

_And all we had?_

_You saw me mourning my love for you_

_And touched my hand_

_I knew you loved me then_

"You're trying to _contact_ him?" Tohma's words came out furious and short, but Suguru didn't flinch. He was one of the very few that could look his cousin straight in the eyes and tell him exactly what he thought.

"What did you expect me to do?" he asked quietly. He looked calmly into Tohma's eyes. "He's _Seti_, cousin. And I'm going to kill him for leaving me." The last he muttered under his breath, but Tohma still caught it.

The Nittle Grasper was honestly worried. He liked Akuma too, in moderation, and despite all disagreements between Suguru and Akuma in the past, everyone made mistakes. He definitely wasn't exempt from that. Akuma was completely, totally, and obsessively in love with Suguru. He probably wouldn't take kindly to being dragged back into the light when he was trying to protect Suguru. _'Protect him from Akuma himself.'_

Tohma remembered the arrogant young man well, despite having maybe only three real conversations with him. Akuma was the kind of guy that made an instant, everlasting impression on someone. His eyes had been completely feral, body moving with an almost deadly grace, and his blue-black long and unkempt.

There was the way he looked at people almost shyly out the corner of his eye before he said something completely rude and uncalled for that somehow Suguru managed to understand and interpret for the rest of the world. How nervous he got in big crowds yet managed to hide it with a confidant swagger. That grin that seemed to stretch from ear to ear in wicked amusement.

So yes, Tohma remembered Akuma.

"I can't forget him, Tohma. I can't let him get away again," Suguru said fervently, leaning over the desk to look at Tohma better. "I can't."

They had been so obsessively, possessively in love, and so young. Tohma couldn't understand, but he didn't pretend to. "Have you gotten an answer back yet?" he asked instead of trying to explain what he felt.

Suguru backed off and sat down. "Not yet. In a couple of weeks, they said. I'm not asking you to help; just don't stop them from looking. I need him."

That much had always been obvious, ever since Tohma had first met the then-fourteen Akuma, defiant glare aimed directly at Tohma. However, Tohma was nothing if not a businessman and an extremely skilled manipulator. "If I let you look for him without hindering you..." he began slowly, tilting his head to run fingers through his blonde hair, "I want you to see a psychiatrist."

Suguru scowled. "I've told you before. I don't need your help."

Tohma stood. "Everyone needs help sometimes, Suguru. Even you." He stopped himself from saying 'especially you'. "I need to go. I have a meeting in Kyoto." He paused, and carefully patted the keyboardist's head. "Think about it, Tenshi."

He walked out the the room, leaving Suguru there with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew that he had problems, more so than most people. When he had first started living with his cousin, Tohma had tried to make him see a counseler, but Suguru had refused to talk. He had always wanted to stand on his own two feet.

He had panic attacks that ranged from mild to severe, dreamed the past as terrifying as it had been really been. He had minor hallucinations and tended to lose touch with reality, though that had been happening less and less since he was so busy. He probably had more than that, things he didn't even realize. "I'm just so... messed up," he whispered under his breath. He leaned back in the chair, content to think for a few moments before he left. Then he laughed, short and unpleasant. "Maybe I should think about it."

--

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you_

_I have to be with you to live, to breathe_

_You're taking over me_

The first words that Tatsuha spoke to Suguru after that kiss were ones that Suguru didn't particularly want to hear. They were said in a voice of steel, determined eyes resting on Suguru's downturned face. "We need to talk."

Suguru didn't like this at all. "I really don't want to," he told Tatsuha firmly. "I'm busy. Taki and I still aren't quite in sync and--"

The dark-haired monk cut him off with an abrupt shake of his head. Standing in the dark in front of Suguru's apartment, street lamps too many feet away, they faced off. Suguru spared a wry thought in thanks towards the fact his neighborhood was a fairly safe one. "I need to know why. I know you're still in love with him."

Suguru wasn't even going to pretend he didn't understand, but he didn't want to answer. He was starting to panic, a deep sense of unease knotting in the pit of his stomach. And, before all else, he knew that Tatsuha could tell. The monk sighed and grabbed Suguru's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "Stop it," he commanded, tones quiet enough to soften the words. Suguru leaned against him, trying to breathe, then stepped back.

_'Honesty, right? That's what he wants?'_ "I like you." He was good at this, facing people down without blinking. Refusing to bend. "There's something about you that-- I don't know!" He shook his head furiously. "No one else even notices me, but you can _see_ me, and you don't even have the slightest clue what that means!" He looked up at Tatsuha through lowered eyelashes, too close for either of their comfort. "And I can't promise you that if you get involved with me that if Akuma shows up I won't leave. I can't say that if he doesn't show up tomorrow I won't go straight back to him." He stepped closer, skin just a bare inch from Tatsuha's. Heat radiated off the both of them, inexorably drawing them closer together. "And I'm really messed up. You don't even have the slightest clue how much. But I think... I think that I could love you."

There was shock in those onyx eyes that even the ebony hair falling over them couldn't obscure. "We don't even know each other." Suguru was still speaking, this time with a slight laugh in his voice. "Didn't Shuichi mention something like this? Pulled together by nothing else but sheer gravitation." There was an utterly vulnerable look in those deep brown eyes, somewhere behind all of those defenses that Suguru thought he had.

"You're not going to be easy, are you?" Tatsuha asked him. Then he kissed him.

It was like liquor. Strong and heady, completely forbidden and totally wrong. Tatsuha knew perfectly well that he was probably going to get his heart broken. Yet that look in those eyes, that wry twist to a sly smile, the way he hid behind long strands of hair... Fujisaki Suguru was worth it.

He rested his head against Suguru's and tried to start breathing again. "Like gravitation, right?"

Starting to smile, Suguru threaded his fingers through Tatsuha's hair. "Right. Feel the pull?"

This time, he was the one that kissed Tatsuha.

--

Suguru was watching Tatsuha sleep. Lying entangled in the dark angel's arms, watching the face that was so innocent in sleep. Just watching, trying to absorb the fact that this was happening. They hadn't slept together. Suguru didn't want to, and somehow he thought that although Tatsuha wouldn't mind, he didn't particularly care either. They were just... sleeping. And Suguru felt safe. Safe from nightmares, safe from whatever else lurked in his mind.

_'Would Seti mind?'_ It froze him for a second and he want pale instantly. Warmth surrounded him, though. Blanketed in Tatsuha's arms and a light cotton sheet, somehow he didn't think so. Akuma had been possessive of Suguru in the past, but he loved Suguru. He would want him like this, something resembling happy and safe.

This couldn't be like him and Akuma. He couldn't repeat this cycle over again and destroy someone else. No matter how much he was alike and different than Akuma, he couldn't let that become who he was, because even for him two Akumas were just too much.

Suguru carefully reached over Tatsuha and quickly wrote down the words that were on his mind before he forgot them, wanting so save this feeling even if he didn't want to feel it.

_I look in the mirror and see your face_

_If I look deep enough_

_So many things inside that are just like you are_

_Taking over_

"I have to find him," he whispered under his breath. He traced a finger over the curve of Tatsuha's cheek, softly stroking the older man's mouth. "And yet..." He closed his eyes and snuggled into Tatsuha's arms, the last words mumbled against his chest. "I think I love you."

_'I can't lose you either.'_

_(taking over me)_

_You're taking over me_

_(taking over me)_

_Taking over me_

--

Cut choruses and stuff. Four more chapters (there's going to be another chapter that doesn't have an Evanescence song in it; I need it to bridge some stuff.) Please review and I might give you and update before Christmas!


	12. Speaking Silence

_Sorry it took so long. It really wasn't so much as writer's block as writer's fatigue. Sometimes I need a break from writing and just need to bum around so everything I spin out isn't crap. I usually write fanfics that never get posted during this time, and draw a lot. Anyway, I'm sorry it had to be during this fic's duration._

--

**Speaking Silence**

The walls were specially insulated to keep sound from bouncing off of them. It had been a long time since Suguru had been in a recording studio with the express intent to sing. They were starting to record the new album now, despite the fact that Suguru wasn't quite finished tweaking most of the songs, and he still needed to figure out a couple more for it. He still needed time.

"Seriously, Riko-san, you're not going to get anything else out of me today," Suguru stated, laughing. "My throat is killing me."

Noriko scowled. She was helping the production of the CD, just like she had with the first one. Her hair, never in the same style once, was now in a fit of curls held up by a butterfly pin. Suguru thought it looked quite... pretty. Her daughter had even come with her today, a cute little brat who seemed fascinated with Suguru's keyboard. Noriko wasn't particularly happy with that; she was getting too much of high-strung musicians as it was.

"Fine. Get your ass over to the coffee and sooth that throat," she ordered. "We're going again tomorrow." The actual recording people and Suguru's new manager were cringing in fear from her domineering ways, but Suguru was feeling the urge to laugh. She was actually kind of funny once you got used to her. Admittedly, until you did get used to her you were rather afraid.

Once he opened the door into where Noriko and the others were, she grabbed his ear and began to twist. Ignoring his yelps, she asked, "What are you not telling me, Suguru? I know it's something."

"Do I have to tell you everything?" he asked between grunts of pain. Calmly, she twisted harder. He whimpered softly. "Mean Riko."

"Damn straight," she said proudly, letting go. "Now tell me."

Suguru sighed. He really didn't want to tell her, but Noriko had the wonderful ability to make anyone start talking by one look. She and Yuki's sister got along well, as their personalities were quite similar. "I... don't tell Tohma, okay?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "You've met Uesugi Tatsuha, right? We're..."

"You're _dating_ someone?" she squealed. Suguru winced as Noriko's loud words attracted the attention of more or less anyone within five miles. "I mean, the twerp is as gorgeous as Yuki is, but you're actually _dating_ someone?"

Vaguely annoyed, Suguru replied, "Yes."

Noriko threw her arms around him, lavender curls spilling over her shoulders. "Cool! I can't tell Tohma, but can I tell Ryuichi? Bastard probably couldn't keep the secret, but I'll tell him that Kumogaro's favorite little angel asked Kumogaro to keep the secret."

He laughed and pulled away. "Go right ahead."

--

Tatsuha sat beside his father with respectfully downturned eyes. The old monk was berating him on his all-too-frequent abscenses as of late. Tatsuha was desperately yearning to tell him exactly where to put it, but didn't want the man to look at him too hard. If he did, his uncanny ability to know every one of his children's sins would kick in.

"Yes, Father," the dark-haired teenager said once a moment was made where he could talk. Taken aback, the man spluttered and waved him away. Rising to his feet, Tatsuha left, grinning. He was leaving again. Daddy Dearest was going to be SO happy.

--

Suguru couldn't stop dreaming. Staring out the window and across the narrow street, breath coming fast. Maybe it wasn't so much dreaming as thinking, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Pillowing his head in his arms on the windowsill and staring, he just let his thoughts fall into a comfortable pattern and dreamt.

Fallen Angel. A wildly popular alternative band with a beautiful, classical sound that mixed with the harder sounds of today. A haunting melody wound with computerized noise and the rush of blood in Tenshi's veins. Two keyboards, two vocalists, dueling and melding until the people around them held still and quiet in reverance.

"Suguru?" A warm hand rested on his shoulder, entangling in long strands of green-black.

"Do you believe in Fate?" Suguru asked Tatsuha, aware that he should be greeting Tatsuha for coming back. The things on his mind, though, desperately needed to be stated before he forgot them. Tatsuha didn't even have to think about the answer. "Of course," he said, confusion clear in his dark eyes. He smiled slightly. "How could you not with two idiots like Eiri and Shuichi around?"

Suguru blinked, then snorted with laughter. "Yeah, you're right," he said, standing. "I'm just being morbid. Welcome back." His smile was sly and quick, a memory of him before this whole mess with Fallen Angel and Akuma. "You don't have to leave right away, do you?"

"As long as Father doesn't realize that I scheduled all of the funerals for him to do. Luckily, there aren't very many for the next couple of weeks," Tatsuha stated, grinning. "He shouldn't, though."

Suguru smirked. "You know, I was right," he said mischievously, trailing a finger against Tatsuha's jaw. "My cousin does have good taste in men, and you look exactly like your brother."

Tatsuha rolled his eyes and said, "You're in a good mood. In fact, you're being a brat." Suguru stuck the tip of his tongue out playfully. "How good a mood I'm in really depends on the day of the week," he explained. "I don't like Fridays, and I tend to get depressed in the summertime."

Long-lashed black eyes blinked. That explained Suguru's song, Freaky Friday, then. That had been the last one he had written as Fallen Angel and had added it to the album before it was released. The day that Akuma Seti had died had been a Friday night, nearing Saturday because of the late hour. "Okay. So what are you doing today since I have graced you with my presence?"

The dark-haired Angel laughed. "I need to finish composing the music for one of my songs on the new album, then Shindou-kun invited me over for dinner. Yuki disinvited me, but I decided to go with Shuichi's idea since he overrules your brother."

"True. So what song is it?" Suguru laughed again. "Yours, actually. I wrote it after meeting you." He paused. "Actually, you can help me. It's called Bring Me To Life. I just need to you to listen and see where the chords are off."

He started off towards the keyboard, but Tatsuha snagged his arm with a wicked smile. "Don't I get a kiss for helping?"

The oddest look passed through Suguru's eyes, closely resembling fear, but the green-black bangs hanging in his eyes kept Tatsuha from seeing it well enough. Suguru wasn't pretending to be someone else anymore, hiding from Akuma's memory like he had ever since he had started Bad Luck, but that didn't keep him from hiding himself. His grin waved the look off like it was nothing, his eyes screaming of mischievous joy. "Sure. Whatever you want, Tatsuha-kun."

--

"You _came_," Yuki said, voice somewhat disgusted. Suguru rolled his eyes at the blonde and asked, "So can I come in, Yuki-san? Or are you going to throw me outside into the cold, cruel world."

Yuki blinked. "You do realize that it's approaching 100° outside." Suguru smiled serenely in response.

"Good! You're here!" Shuichi shouted, boucing over like the pink-haired tornado that he was. "Save me! Tatsuha is being perverted again and making references to Ryuichi-sama, and RAPE, I tell you RAPE!"

Suguru raised an eyebrow at Tatsuha's pouting figure. He seemed to be sulking, either over the accusions or over the fact that he had been rejected for humorous advances. Either was possible, and it was greatly amusing Suguru. "Really? That must have been... fun."

Shuichi glared at him. "You're acting like a bastard again. Annoying-weird Tenshi peoples with too much time on their hands and--"

Suguru winced. "Did you let him get into the candy?" he asked Yuki, whose eyes instantly widened at the remark. "He only gets _this_ bad when he's overdosed on sugar." He paused. "At least he isn't spurting blood from the pores or something. He's odd like that."

Yuki made a face. Shuichi could be somewhat disturbing sometimes, but you could hold through those times by remembering that he was cute. At times, though, he was so trying that you had to force yourself to remember.

"Shuichi, did you eat that box of pocky in the cupboard?" Yuki asked. His eyes were narrowed warningly, and it made Suguru hide a grin. _Dragon green eyes narrowed, laughter still ringing through the air..._ Suguru's smile faded and he looked away.

It took a while to get Shuichi settled down and able to stand in one place for long enough to eat, but as soon as that happened they were able to. Suguru had the feeling that Yuki wanted him out as soon was possible; he made the writer uncomfortable. Perhaps it had been the flirting, perhaps the insulting, but either way it produced the same result.

Half-way through dinner, Suguru was subject to Shuichi's frown. "You don't eat enough, Suguru!" he complained. "You're a growing boy, you know. And where is Hiro? I invited him too but he said he couldn't come, and he refused to say why! And why is the sky blue, anyway, and not green? And--"

Suguru laughed. "You sounded like Noriko to begin with, but now you just sound like an idiot. Hiro told me not to tell you where he was, so you aren't getting it from me." He then chose to ignore the fact that Shuichi was tearing up. His feelings were easily bruised, but if Hiro wanted to keep secrets then he would have to straighten Shuichi out about it. It wasn't Suguru's place to tell Shuichi things Hiroshi wanted kept hidden.

"How is your CD going?" Yuki asked shortly to try to cut off the upcoming tears. He appeared very uncomfortable, making Suguru remember: Yuki hated it when Shuichi cried.

Suguru paused. "Fine. I need a drummer, and I can't find one that's... right."

Shuichi brightened. "What do you mean? Your cousin knows a lot of good musicians; it doesn't seem like it would be that hard!"

Suguru waved it off irritably. "They have to have the right temperment. The only one that did so far is... Taki..." His words trailed off as he thought, then he suddenly smirked. "That's it. The rest of ASK. I'll borrow them for the recording. It'd be good publicity. Featuring ASK."

Shuichi made a face. "Why you like them is beyond me," the singer declared. Slurping up the rest of his food in a fashion that was similiar to a pig, he bounced to his feet and nearly upset the table. "I want to go do something, Yuki! Bring me somewhere!"

Yuki's eye began to twitch as he, more gracefully, finished his own meal. "I do not _bring_ you places, Shuichi."

The singer began to pout. It was really a sad sight, tears filling those large violet eyes and starting to cascade down his cheeks. Before he could start wailing, Yuki started patting him on the head and making reluctant vows.

Tatsuha laughed, brushing back ebony locks of hair from his eyes. "They're really cute, aren't they?"

Suguru shrugged. "A bit," he allowed, watching Yuki. The writer was quite a bit like Akuma, but more gentle somehow. It would only make sense if someone knew Akuma as well as he had, and no one else did. Akuma had been... still was, probably... a bitter angel, whose true tragedy was in the fact that he tried so hard to be tragic.

Tatsuha tugged on his arm, midnight-colored eyes narrowing. "Are you okay?" Suguru gave him a soft smile. "Yeah... just thinking." He knew that Tatsuha wanted to say something more, but all of this was too new, too raw, for him to even speak. Suguru would get around to telling him all of it, eventually, but he didn't want to now. Not quite yet. Maybe it was Akuma rubbing off on him, but he wanted to hold on to his own tragedy a bit longer.

That night when they got back to Suguru's apartment, they lay wrapped up in each other. Skin touched skin and said things that neither of them could out loud, and again Suguru dreamed. Not happy, and not sad, but life. He dreamed of quiet and peace, and life.

Things were returning to what they had been before this whole battle had started all over again, before his birthday. He only wished that they would stay that way.

--

_Okay. And I know that this took a while, but do you want to know the reason that it took a while? No one reviewed. I don't demand many reviews. I just need one to know that people are still reading somewhere out there. I don't have much _time_ to write this fic, yet I do. I'm trying to finish my third book! I have homework to do and I just CAN'T understand math. What the hell is algebra good for, anyway? Besides this, though, I want one review. That's all. I don't need any more, though they would be nice. Review, if you please._


	13. Hello

_Thanks to everyone that reviewed! I'm sorry that I can't answer everyone personally, but I have to try and tackle the Evil Algebra. Why do I yearn for college again? Oh. Yeah. The studying abroad in Japan. Anyway, I'll check out that nifty little reply button next chapter, if you review... Tempting, no?_

_Anyway, this chapter is featuring a great deal more of Taki, probably the only one with this much of him in the whole fic. I want everyone to see why he was chosen to be in Fallen Angel-- other than the fact that I think he's hot, in a kinda unhinged way. BTW, I got the Gravi novel and it was so totally great! Sorry-- blonde moment. Which is odd, considering the fact my hair is very pretty brown colors. Huh._

--

**Hello**

_Playground schoolbell rings... again_

_Rainclouds come to play... again_

The taste of euphoria was heavy in the air as Suguru finished one of the last songs on the new album. Soon they would be done and this whole nerve-wracking experience would be over. Fortunately, Noriko-chan was once more busy with her own band and had stopped butting in on Suguru's.

"Hey, Taki-san?" the dark-haired teen asked his brooding bandmate, pulling off his headphones.

The former ASK member's dark eyes drew to his questioningly, obviously pulling the other young man out of his almost constant state of brooding. Suguru smiled the smile that was so similar to his cousin's when he wanted it to be, and Taki flinched.

"Did you ever wonder why I wanted you to be a Fallen, especially when your first choice isn't to play guitar?" The soft words belayed the smile that held just an inch of practiced coolness in it.

Taki shrugged. "By that point, I was more interested in the fact that I had a band again." He looked away, uncomfortable. _'It probably hurt,'_ Suguru mused. _'In certain bands, like Shindou's and Aizawa's, bandmates are closer than family.'_

The keyboardist shook his head to fling away the thoughts, freeing a strand of long hair from where it had gotten caught in his sunglasses. "You raped Shindou Shuichi."

The dark eyes flew to his once again, furious this time. "It seems like that would be more of a reason _not_ speak to me," he bit out. He began to pack away his guitar in short, jerking motions.

"Exactly. You did something wrong and horrible and sick. I wouldn't let just anyone join this, not permanently. To be a Fallen Angel you have to be completely and totally fucked in the head." He laughed as he headed for the door, turning to look back over his shoulder at the confused man. "And... Seti-kun would have liked you." Taki caught a hint of a wistful smile as the singer turned once more and left the room. "I want you to write a song for the new album!" came the voice, drifting back to meet with Taki's ears. "You're Fallen now, angel or no."

--

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to_

_Hello_

Aizawa Taki was insane. Everyone knew that. It really didn't seem like a reason to hire him, which proved that Fujisaki Suguru was even more crazed than him, though he hid it better. Well, it wasn't Taki's place to judge if someone wanted to do something for him for free. Handouts were fine as long as he would eventually be able to one-up the person giving them to him, or he respected the person giving them. He respected Tenshi, but he didn't even particularly like Fujisaki Suguru.

Taki didn't trust anyone, especially people that tried to help him. Especially when they obviously hadn't thought about him when they had called his former teammates in to work on the CD with them. Taki wasn't going to have to see them if he didn't want; Fujisaki certainly wasn't going to, not as anyone other than Tenshi at least.

Still... Taki supposed that Fujisaki was right. He was a Fallen Angel now, part of Tenshi and Akuma's band even though Akuma was missing.

Just the thought of it gave him a thrill.

--

Suguru was felt like the walls were closing in. It was a mental thing, not a physical one, since he wasn't by any means claustrophobic. His eyes flicked to the window as he pondered escaping. When cousin Tohma, Noriko, and Ryuichi-- all of Nittle Grasper-- were on the warpath, you were bound to feel like screaming.

"I gave you the ultimatum, Suguru. What's your answer?" Tohma asked, voice full of steel. He looked like such a frail man until he spoke. Or until you looked at his somewhat flamboyant clothing, for that matter.

Suguru blinked. "The same as it will always be, cousin. No. Until I'm ready, it won't be any use anyway."

"But Suguru-kun!" Ryuichi whined. "Tohma said that Kumogaro said that you really needed to and that I should bother you! I don't want to bother you!"

Tohma flushed as Noriko began to giggle.

_If I smile and don't believe_

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

_Don't try to fix me; I'm not broken_

_Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry_

"Suguru-kun!" Tatsuha called out from the doorway. Tohma's eyes narrowed as Suguru flinched slightly. "I'm back. Eiri has a deadline again and he started screaming. I think that Shuichi went crying to Hiro; I certainly couldn't help him, and--" He was now in view in all three of Nittle Grasper. "Hi."

"Hello, Tatsuha," Noriko said, grinning predatorily. Tatsuha involuntarily took a step back. Suguru hid his head in his hands, dark locks of hair spilling through his fingers. This was great, just great. Maybe in the next few minutes Akuma would show up and tell everyone just what it was like to die. That would be icing on the cake.

"What exactly is going on here?" Tohma asked, voice hostile as he looked between Suguru and Tatsuha. Ryuichi laughed and waved one of Kumogaro's paws. "I know! But Kumogaro made me promise not to tell."

_'And then he would tell me why he saw fit to hide from me for so long. And then I could kill him, slowly, because he was such an idiot. And then, of course, I would have to stitch him up and tell him how much I missed him. And then--'_

"I'm sure that Kumogaro wouldn't mind if you told _me_," Tohma said coaxingly, putting a hand on Tatsuha's shoulder when he tried to slink away. "Kumogaro and I are friends, aren't we?"

Ryuichi shook his head fervently, making his messy hair fly. "Kumogaro likes you, but Kumogaro's angel needs me and I'd do anything to protect him."

"He isn't going to give up, Suguru," Noriko offered, smirking. Suguru lifted his head slightly. "Doesn't matter. Now he's focused on something else at least. He won't stop me from looking now."

"Suguru!" Tohma barked. "Tell me!"

"Suguru, I'm feeling the urge to leave," Tatsuha warned. "Right now, in fact. Possibly puncturing tires as I go to make sure I'm not followed."

"It might not be a bad idea," Suguru muttered. "Can I go with you?"

"Sure. Got a knife for the tires?"

Suguru smiled slightly. "None that can be used for tires."

"Damn."

"Guess I'll have to tell him then." Suguru turned to his seething cousin. "Tohma, Tatsuha and I..."

"They're going out, for lack of better term!" Noriko said cheerfully. "Isn't it absolutely adorable!" She mussed Tatsuha's hair playfully. "Tatsuha is part of your family in two different ways now, Tohma! Maybe they'll find a way to have children, and then you would have a little Uesugi running around. Or Fujisaki. I'm not sure about the terms of their engagement. Maybe one of each?"

Tatsuha blinked. "Now _that's_ a Shuichi comment if I ever heard one."

Suguru began to firmly push a stunned Tohma and a laughing Noriko and Ryuichi out the door. "Goodbye, cousin. See you tomorrow. I'll talk to you about this soon. Goodbye, Noriko. Bye, Ryuichi. I'll call you about lunch later. I'm sorry for ending this visit so abruptly. Buh-bye."

The spew of words ended the second the door slammed shut as Suguru began to thank the gods. Tatsuha sighed. "That was awkward."

"Really? I didn't notice."

Tatsuha laughed. "C'mere." Suguru stepped into his arms gratefully. "Thank you." He breathed against Tatsuha's neck, the fingers of one hand tangling with his hair. "For what?" Tatsuha asked softly. Suguru smiled against the monk's warm skin. "For saving me."

--

The next day, Suguru was in the studio again and hiding from Tohma as best he could despite being in the same building as the man. Taki was off brooding in some corner, of course, and Shuichi's loud voice could be heard from three floors below, as could gunshots. Suguru was now very glad that K was no longer his manager, though he missed having Sakano around so much. Sakano was, of course, his producer again. He had been with the original Fallen Angel, but not officially. Tohma had been so busy in those days that Sakano had needed to do most of the work. Now he was more or less in that position again, but he wasn't around as much because of Bad Luck.

"Fujisaki Suguru?" a man asked the slight teenager through the murmur of the others' voices. Taki was recording right now and Suguru was watching with Tatsuha, who had come to watch out of lack of anything better to do.

"Yes?" Suguru asked, tilting his head in invitation. Then his eyes brightened. It was the man from Valhalla.

"We found him," the man said briskly, taking a small package out of his suit. He was an imposing man, about a foot or more taller than Suguru. He was even more imposing than K, who usually just seemed trigger-happy rather than frightening, like the typical American. "He sent this back."

Suguru took the package and opened it curiously, the crinkle of bubble-wrap and paper the only sound as the technicians all stared at him. There was a piece of paper folded around what looked to be a CD. Suguru unfolded the paper carefully but all it said was: **It's yours, kid. I love you.** The CD was labeled: My Last Breath.

Taking a shuddering breath, Suguru shoved the CD at one of the tech staff. "Play it," he ordered hoarsely, eyes veiled by his sunglasses. What Tatsuha could see of them showed stark terror. Then the music played.

It took a few minutes, all of the technicians ignoring as Taki's increasingly irate voice shouted in their ears. There was a silence as they turned to Suguru, whose face was white as his fingers traced slowly over the underside of one of his arms along the puckered scar. His eyes closed as the last notes disappeared and the world faded to black.

Without noise, without confusion, and without Akuma Seti's voice condemning him without even meaning to.

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

_Hello, I'm still here_

_All that's left of yesterday_

--

_Please excuse me if I repeat the Tourniquet line: I want to die! I'm SO sorry that this took so long, but I was in Conneticut for a week visiting my sister, and my dog is for some reason barking at me every time I move away from sitting next to her, not to mention I have a cold, and-- no excuses. I'm sorry. Given the cliffhanger, I'm give you more next time. I'll hold up to my promise about the cool new reply button if you reply. Bringing up the point of how new IS that thing? I haven't even been paying attention to the updates... Two more chapters left, and maybe an epilogue if I need it!_


	14. My Last Breath

_This has got to be my favorite chapter. If I've said that before, I change my mind. This is it. Should I be this in love with an OC? Anyway, keep in mind that they talk about the song during the chapter so pay attention._

--

**My Last Breath**

He knew that Suguru was better off this way. Akuma had a bad temper and he had always ended up losing it in front of Suguru, and Suguru was sensitive regarding the emotions of those he loved. When he had started flinching when Akuma moved suddenly was when Akuma had realized that there was really something wrong and the two of them had talked. Even that hadn't been enough, though.

'The joy of surviving suicide is that every breath you take is a gift.' Isn't that what they say? Akuma wasn't sure whether or not that was true for him, but he was entirely sure that it was for Suguru.

Suguru was his _angel_. He was beautiful and smart and more talented than Akuma had ever been. Suguru was the one that would have had an excuse for acting the way that Akuma did more than Akuma even, but he didn't. He was genuinely good to people that he cared for, and even if he didn't like someone he took the time to notice their good points as well as their bad.

It had been a mistake to even talk to him that first time, but Akuma hadn't been able to help himself. He was so frail, with that black hair and those wide eyes. He looked far younger than his actual age. He had quite the mouth on him, too. He was amazing. Akuma hadn't been able to understand why Suguru would want to look on him.

They had been too young, but that certainly shouldn't have been an excuse. Akuma definitely shouldn't have had sex with him, no matter how much he loved him. They would have both been better off if he had tried to ignore it. Suguru probably regretted every damn thing they had done together.

Akuma took a long drag from the cigarette braced delicately between his fingers and slammed his head back to wall to try to clear it of all of these thoughts. He had sent the tape back with the Valhalla man and there was nothing left to do but to wait for Suguru's answer-- one way or another.

Akuma ruffled his smoke-wreathed blue hair and opened a window to let some of the smoke out. It was starting to stink, even to one as used to it at him. Was it really so much to want a person to be happy, even if it was at your own expense? All Akuma ever did was hurt the ones that he loved, and Suguru was at the top of that list.

"I saw you yesterday on the TV, kid," Akuma told the empty air softly, the green eyes of his gaijin mother heavy-lidded. "You looked good. They only caught the side of your face, of course, but what I could see looked good." He frowned and took another drag. "You weren't smiling though, kid. Do you ever smile anymore?" He sighed. "Did you ever smile to begin with?"

He snubbed the cigarette out and toasted the air with the bent stub. "For you, kid. It's for you I stopped the first time. Might as well stop the second for you, too."

He flicked it out the window and walked over to sit at the piano in his living room. It took up most of the space, considering how cramped his rooms were, but it was worth it. He sat there, not touching the keys but with his fingers hovering over them. His head dipped. "Love you."

Had he ever even bothered to say that?

--

_Hold on to me love_

_You know I can't stay long_

_All I wanted to say is I love you and I'm not afraid_

Suguru woke to the sight of Tatsuha hovering over his face. It wasn't entirely an unpleasant view first thing upon waking, and it made him smile. Tatsuha looked worried, though, making Suguru frown before he remembered what had caused him to pass out.

"Have you been eating other than when I personally sit you down and feed you?" Tatsuha asked, eyes narrowing.

Suguru flushed. "I... forgot. I'm sorry, Tatsuha."

"I should hope so," Tohma said coldly from the other side of the bed when Suguru sat up. "You had everyone worried. With the stress you've been under lately combined with irregular eating habits, I'm amazed this didn't happen sooner. I forgot that you never remember to eat around CD release times."

"This is going to happen more?" Tatsuha groaned.

Suguru smiled, brown eyes crinkling at the corners. "I'll try to remember, Tatsuha," he said with a smirk, drawing the monk's lips down on his. Tatsuha umphed with surprise before he relaxed. Suguru played with a strand of Tatsuha's dark hair as he carefully eased up on the pressure.

Tohma had a hand plastered over his eyes. "Tell me when I can look again and not see a jailbait orgy," Suguru's cousin said wryly. Suguru rolled his eyes. At least his cousin approved. If he didn't, he would have been the first to say so.

"I have to talk to him, Tohma," Suguru said, voice steel-laced. "He said as much. I need him."

He didn't notice when Tatsuha's head lowered but Tohma did, and he sighed. "I know you do, Suguru, and unfortunately I can't control your love life. You and Eiri proved that to me by choosing such stubborn lovers. You might want to talk to Tatsuha first, though. I'll be back later." Now that you've bugged every room, anxiously trying to overhear every word we say, Suguru added mentally as the final edge of his cousin's leopard patterned coat turned the corner.

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you?_

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here-- tonight_

"Tatsuha..." The dark-haired monk was sitting a touch farther from the bed then he had been before. Suguru had told him about Akuma, about what would happen, yet... _'I love you...'_ "Tatsuha, I love you." He choked on the words, but they still managed to get out through the lump in his throat. Tatsuha looked up, startled, and Suguru caught a glimpse of an unusual liquid shimmer in his eyes.

"You mean it?" Tatsuha asked uncomfortably, gaze fastened to Suguru's. Suguru could feel those eyes pierce him once more, trying to creep into every crevice of his soul so the owner could stay there and steadfastly rule his heart.

Suguru nodded. "Yes," he said softly, "but I love him too. He and I have been together forever. We're two halves of the same person." He waved a hand abruptly, frustrated. "It sounds so stupid to say it, but I can't... explain it. I don't know what I should do," he added so quietly he wasn't sure Tatsuha heard him.

Tatsuha sighed and his black eyes looked as soft as velvet. "I know you don't. I don't want you to have to make a decision, Suguru. Whatever you decide, whenever you decide it, it's yours, no matter what. Anything. I love you." He kissed the younger boy gently. Suguru blinked briefly before closing his eyes and pulling Tatsuha down to lay over him.

"At this moment, can I have 'anything', too?" the angel asked huskily, russet brown eyes melting as he kissed Tatsuha again, tongue rolling slowly over the other's lower lip. He pulled back to wait for an answer, not knowing what he looked like lying there under Tatsuha with his hair spread out over the bed and his lips slightly swollen.

Tatsuha kissed his cheek, feeling his heart clench. Was that what love felt like? Like being sucker-punched, unable to do anything except try to usher the other person towards happiness? His lips trailed down to Suguru's neck and the keyboardist offered his throat, completely trusting, and the feeling surged again. It nearly screamed it Tatsuha's veins, begging to be noticed.

"Anything for you."

_I miss the winter_

_A world of fragile things_

_Look for me in the white forest_

_Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)_

_I know you hear me_

_I can taste it in your tears_

Had Akuma's love for Suguru really been a mistake? What was there that Tohma was supposed to do to find the answer that he needed for that question? Love between an angel and a demon wasn't possible. The Pure and the Fallen. Beauty and hate.

Akuma had honestly loved Suguru. That much was true, and Tohma certainly couldn't deny that. Tohma couldn't help but remember the message that had been left on his answering machine before Akuma had even come into the picture. Suguru had the worst luck of anyone that Tohma had ever met. Because of that, it was Tohma's duty to protect him. Yet Suguru always insisted on standing on his own two feet.

Tohma banged his head onto the table and wished for oblivion.

_I really didn't want to talk to one of these things. I-I'm Fujisaki Suguru, your cousin. I know we only met a couple times but my Mom said you were the one to talk to. Please... get me out of here. I can't stand-- gods. I don't have any more time. Please, find me. PLEASE!_

Tohma wished he had listened to his instincts when they had insisted he take his cousin in, but stupidly he hadn't. He had too much to do. Then when Suguru _had_ been with him he had been having problems with N-G. Then Akuma had been there. Then he had signed Fallen Angel.

"Aren't I supposed to interfere?"

"You're stressing, Tohma!" Ryuichi warned cheerfully, dialling up a take-out sushi place. "Suguru's life is Suguru's life. Just watch him; everybody else will be."

Tohma frowned and hung up for Ryuichi, making the pop star squeal at him and throw Kumogaro. "I need to use to the phone." Snatching the phone, he rifled through his desk until he found the number he was looking for and quickly dialed it. It rang. "Akuma Seti? I want to talk to you."

On the other end of the line, Akuma froze. "Ah... Seguchi-san? I need to change my number again."

Tohma snorted. Akuma most certainly hadn't changed. He still endeavored to piss people off in the worst way possible. He was so very good at it. It only took a word from him to set off a thousand sparks of anger in Tohma's gut.

"Tell me, Akuma. What do you want Suguru to _do_?"

Akuma twisted the phone cord around his finger thoughtfully. What exactly was Tohma asking him here? He wasn't even sure himself, so he certainly couldn't tell Tohma. "I want him to find some way to tell me what would make him happy," he finally decided after long silence. "I can't do anything but that."

"You're never going to hurt him again," Tohma warned, eyes snapping as they tracked Kumogaro's path from wall to Ryuichi's hands and back.

Green eyes glared into the wall. "No. I will never hurt him again." And that was as much as a truth as anything was. Tohma smiled. "Okay." He hung up.

--

_Closing your eyes to disappear_

_You pray your dreams will leave you here_

_But still you wake and know the truth_

_No one's there_

_Say goodnight_

_Don't be afraid_

_Calling me, calling me as you fade to black_

Suguru woke wrapped in Tatsuha and it definitely wasn't a bad place to be. It was nice, actually. He was getting used to it from the past couple of days, though he generally wasn't naked then. It was almost too warm. He was breathing in hair, so it was no wonder he had woken up.

He still didn't know what to do.

_The pain was burning up his arms and through his soul, but it was nothing compared to being told that Akuma was dead. How could he be? Suguru was the one that had been stupid, that had done something so completely _dumb_ that he had tried to kill himself._

_Suguru clutched his arms around himself despite the pain it caused and bent his head. A long ponytail slipped down one shoulder as a half-choked sob escaped his throat. Why did he always have to be so stupid? If he had just taken a second maybe Akuma wouldn't have done that. Maybe Akuma wouldn't have been as stupid as him._

_In a few months, Bad Luck would be spreading across the tabloids sensationally and very soon the long strands of Tenshi's hair would be falling to the ground, along with a great portion of Suguru's sanity. Akuma was gone and there was absolutely nothing that could be done about it._

Suguru had the ability to focus completely on one thing to the exclusion of others. That had been the reason that he had wanted Bad Luck to succeed so badly. That was why he had wanted Shindou Shuichi to succeed so badly. It helped that Yuki was a lot like Akuma. Tatsuha was nothing like his brother.

"You're awake, aren't you?" Tatsuha asked huskily, arms tightening around Suguru. Suguru smiled wryly. "Kind of. Do you think that it's a fault to want to stand on your own two feet?"

Tatsuha frowned into Suguru's hair. "Of course not. It just depends on whether you let someone give you a hand up once and a while, or at least be a stepping stool for you."

The keyboardist laughed. "You know, you'll be lucky if my cousin doesn't sue you for sex with a minor."

Tatsuha shrugged. "Life."

_Say goodnight (holding my last breath)_

_Don't be afraid_

_Safe inside myself (calling me calling me)_

_Are all my thoughts of you?_

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here tonight_

--

_I honestly have no clue what to do here. What do y'all want me to do with this twisted little tangle I've got myself caught in? We have two choices: no Akuma or the sharing of an angel. Please tell me what you want. I'm leaning towards the second, but the thing I like most is to make everyone in the fics happy. Choose._


	15. Whisper

_The end has come. ...oh gods. I'm writing this note before having written the chapter and I don't have much of an idea of what's going to happen. I really, really hope my Tenshi doesn't do something stupid. Ack._

_On another note, for a few minutes whenever I thought of the song 'Whisper', I kept remembering 'Truth Is A Whisper' by the Goo Goo Dolls. Oddly enough, that would have fit too if I squiggled a bit. Heh. Anyway, I feel that the chorus is important, so pay attention to that, as well as the 'fallen angels' verse. Hell, pay attention to everything!_

--

**Whisper**

Indecision was not something that Suguru was familiar with. He usually knew exactly what he wanted and went after it. Look at the way he had gone after Yuki to get him to talk to Suguru when he was being a prick. His final decision had been to wait it out until the CD came out.

"You want to do what!" the producer cried, banging her head on the table. "Tenshi-san, _please_. We'd have to get all kinds of contracts, and--"

Suguru scowled. "Officially, Akuma's contract with N-G never ended. It hasn't been renewed, but considering that he was supposed to have died we have most rights to him. My Last Breath is going to be on that CD."

She whimpered softly and tottered off to talk to Tohma. Maybe _he_ would listen to reason. Suguru just smiled. He was already aware that he had won. The CD was just a couple of days from being finished, provided he could kick a couple of people into motion. Then the first CD without Akuma would go out into the world.

Going Under, Bring Me To Life, Everybody's Fool, My Immortal, Haunted, Tourniquet, Imaginary, Taking Over Me, Hello, My Last Breath, and Whisper.

Having Taki write a song had been one of Suguru's better ideas, actually. He had written Whisper, though Suguru had added in the part about fallen angels. Despite having the feeling that he was being mocked somehow, it was an incredible song. He had known that given the chance, Taki would be something.

Tonight would be the first concert in a while, a farewell to the city and the people in it. Then he would find Akuma before his tour, with any luck.

Suguru took a breath, then another. This wasn't really as difficult as it sounded. It wasn't. He needed Akuma and Akuma needed him.

It was like a sick circle, spiraling through his body in a way that he couldn't explain. It was fear, sheer terror, mixed with love and regret. It built up until he just wanted to scream but didn't want to bring attention to himself to do so.

_Catch me, as I fall_

_Say you're here and it's all over now_

_Speaking to the atmosphere_

_No one's here and I fall into myself_

_This truth drives me into madness_

--

Tatsuha was home. He didn't want to be here. It was a hard place here, full of funerals and school and little else. There was nothing here that he hadn't seen a thousand times over and hadn't disregarded as unimportant.

His father knew that something was going on and he didn't like it. The older Uesugi was a man that liked to know what was going on his children's lives so he could have a steel grip on it. Tatsuha was his heir now, after all.

"Tatsuha? Is something wrong?"

Tatsuha looked up through a fringe of black hair to meet the curious blue eyes looking down at him. Miroyuki Aoitsuru was half-gaijin as well as the heir to his father's MEI-- Miroyuki Enterprises Incorporated. He would know better than anyone else what it felt like to be under a father's thumb, yet... "No, I'm fine."

Aoitsuru shrugged and headed back into the temple. His uncle, Daven Whitehall, had recently died and they were here for the funeral preparations. Tatsuha should probably be listening in on that to make sure that the old bastard was doing it instead of him, but he didn't want to.

"Tenshi's rubbing off on me, isn't he?" he asked the wall. As expected, the wall did not answer back. Luckily, he hadn't been expecting that it would.

_I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away_

_If I will it all away..._

What was it like, to be Fujisaki Suguru? Tenshi? Were they two different people? It seemed like it, sometimes. Suguru was sly, scheming, and smart, yet strangely introspective when alone. Tenshi was sorrowful and shy, but somehow bolder than Suguru was. Yet they both made up the same person.

Who was Akuma Seti? Last night, Suguru had told Tatsuha about him a bit. The way he talked about Akuma made him sound... perfect. It was hard to understand, especially since Suguru hadn't spared Akuma's faults, but when someone loved someone else that much you had to try and understand why. And it was clear that Suguru loved him, almost with his entire being except the part that he had for some reason chosen to give to Tatsuha.

_'Eiri is going to laugh and laugh and laugh...'_

The Miroyuki family filed past, done with the preparations. One woman, a younger one, was crying. Idly, Tatsuha decided that she must be the young widow, Whitehall Inazuma. Nobody else looked sad. Tatsuha had heard that the deceased man was something of a jerk, but he supposed he shouldn't speak ill of the dead.

"See you at school in a couple of months," Aoitsuru said as he past, bowing to Tatsuha shortly. Tatsuha bowed back and he watched them leave.

"I've decided that you should stay with Eiri for a while," Uesugi suddenly announced. Tatsuha looked back at the man to stare. "You're no good to me if you're constantly distracted and it's been a slow season. Get a girl or whatever it is that you do and don't come back until you can focus on what you're doing."

_'Does that mean I never have to come back?'_ Tatsuha blinked. "Ah... okay. Thank you, father."

He was going to have to tell his father about Suguru sooner or later, then it would go one way or another. Not now, though. Life wasn't perfect and, in a way, he liked being a monk. He'd figure it out with time.

--

_Don't turn away_

_Don't give in to the pain_

_Don't try to hide_

_Though they're screaming your name_

_Don't close your eyes_

_God knows what lies behind them_

_Don't turn out the light_

_Never sleep, never die_

"Have you given up?"

Tohma looked over to see his cousin staring at him pensively, recently trimmed hair pulled back and eyes looking wide with curiousity. He looked younger than he had any right to be. "Given up about what?"

"Trying to make me see a psychiatrist before letting me see Akuma."

Tohma blinked. He had assumed that Suguru would get the idea when he hadn't immediately sat on him and tried to get him to see it Tohma's way. "Yes. No help will get into your thick skull if you don't let it, after all."

Suguru wrinkled his nose. "How eloquent." He paused, light from the window that was behind him framing him. "I think its getting better." Tohma looked at him expectantly, causing him to tilt his head. "It... doesn't hurt as much anymore. It doesn't seem as important."

Tohma blinked. _'Not as... important?'_ "Suguru, you have had a horrible life. How can that not be important?"

"What a way to put it," Suguru grumbled. "It just doesn't seem as sharp or something. I just feel... better." He frowned. "It won't last, but I trust you to tell when it gets worse again."

"You could be lying to me," Tohma pointed out. "It doesn't make much difference anyway. You'll see Akuma sooner or later and we'll have to deal with that. Everything will work in one direction or another. I just have to watch you and make sure I slip anti-depressants into your pepsi."

The keyboardist frowned. "Thanks a lot."

To want to be with someone so badly that you would take the chance to ruin everything you already have just to see them one time. To distance yourself from a person to keep yourself from hurting them because you care for them so much. Were those two examples of love? Was that what it meant to need someone this badly?

And what was Tatsuha? What was it to nearly die every time he frowned? What was it to hate to see the sorrow every time he wondered about Akuma and what would happen? Was that love too? What was it to feel like you could tell a person everything just because you knew that, somehow, they would understand?

True love is when love and like juxtapose, yet what was it for true love and need to be one and the same. Not just want-- need.

"I can't keep running from it, Tohma-kun."

Tohma looked at his cousin and saw it clearly in his eyes. That determination that bound back the fear, that shielded gaze that was far too much like his own for his own comfort. "Then maybe you're actually ready this time.

Suguru chose not to comment.

--

Fallen Angel's CD was amazing. Akuma had a copy delivered to him from an online service and it had been incredible. Suguru had grown up so much.

Akuma traced over the cold plastic cover of the CD, around the curve of the angel wing on the cover. One was black and one was white, curved around an ornate Celtic cross. The CD had been titled 'Demons'. Akuma had smiled.

The singer laid back against his head and let the sound of Tenshi's voice wash over him. His angel. His beautiful angel. "Who is it that made you sing like that, Suguru? Who do you love now?"

It was obvious that Suguru was in love again. He had always loved so completely. Akuma hadn't understand how a kid could bond so irrevocably to a person. Then Akuma had understood. That was the kind of person that Suguru was. On top of that, losing his parents when he was so young made Suguru cling all the tighter to the people that he _did_ have.

The first time that he had seen Suguru as Fujisaki Suguru of Bad Luck instead of Tenshi, he had nearly had a heart attack. Short hair and in the background was not like Suguru. The kid liked the spotlight even if he didn't like it directly on him. He liked to be the one people talked about. He liked to be amazing.

It was going to be a hot autumn. There were a few more weeks left until the schools started and got the annoying loud kids off the street. Then, maybe, Akuma could have his peace and quiet again.

The doorbell rang and Akuma got up tiredly. He rarely left the apartment, so he had everything delivered to him. He didn't want anyone knowing that he was Akuma Seti of Fallen Angel. He had just wanted to give Suguru a chance to live without him, to be happy. Apparently, that had happened.

The only one that was important in this was Suguru. The only one that deserved this was Suguru. He was so incredibly _special_, so incredibly perfect.

Akuma opened the door.

_I'm frightened by what I see_

_But somehow I know that there's much more to come_

_Immobilized by my fear_

_And soon to be blinded by tears_

"Suguru." It _was_ Suguru, from head to foot. Hair pulled back into a ponytail, shorter than it had been in the last section of the papers he had been shown in. He looked so remarkably young, sunglasses perched on his head and eyes wide with fear. _'We were so stupid.'_ His hand clenched the door, knuckles going white. "W-what are you doing here, kid?"

Suguru's head ducked slightly to break their gaze and for some reason that small gesture terrified Akuma. "I had to find you." He smiled slightly. "Did you know that it's incredibly selfish to hold your last breath?"

Akuma looked away. "Yeah... I know. You shouldn't be in America, Suguru." _'I need you too much to let you go.'_

Suguru's nails bit into the soft flesh of his palms. "You _left_, Seti. I needed you and you left. I needed you so much and you just left. Do you know what it felt like to have done that to you? Do you know what its like to feel like you killed someone?"

"Of course I do," Akuma snapped. "I thought it was okay, I thought we were getting better. Then you did that. Did you think I could live without you? I-- dammit!" Suguru flinched when Akuma's fist met the door. Akuma instantly stepped back. "I love you," he finished in a much quieter tone.

_I can stop the pain if I will it all away_

_If I will it all away..._

"I was still there, Seti," Suguru said softly. "I wanted you back. I thought you were dead and I wanted you back. When I woke up and they said you were dead I felt like I was in hell. Did you know-- I tried to kill myself again afterwards by overdosing on the pain pills. Not much came of it, but I wanted you again so badly." He sighed. "I'm dating Yuki Eiri's brother, Uesugi Tatsuha." Although Akuma had expected it, it still made him flinch. "I _love_ him. I _need_ you."

Akuma ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "It doesn't even matter anymore, does it, kid? Even if-- even if I could be with you I can't anyway."

Suguru stepped closer, so close that Akuma felt his heart stop. "He said I could have anything, Akuma. Anything that I wanted. I want _you_. I want _him_. Can I have that?"

How could Suguru stop him with that one, wide-eyed look? How could you make him feel like he was dying just by looking at him like he was the only man on earth?

_Fallen angels at my feet_

_Whispered voices at my ear_

_Death before my eyes_

_Lying next to me I fear_

_She beckons me, shall I give in?_

_Upon my end shall I begin?_

_Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end_

"Yeah, Suguru. You can have that."

And Suguru smiled. It felt like being reborn. It felt like sunshine after rain. It felt like _Suguru_, and that was more important than anything else. "Good. Because I wasn't going to leave until you saw it my way and Tohma would kill me if I missed the tour."

"Tohma would kill _me_. He already 'talked' to me about that."

Suguru grinned. "I imagined he probably did. He was being too tame."

He looked so radiantly happy that Akuma had to kiss him, placing his mouth over Suguru's almost possessively, but he was so careful. Suguru was human, so he was like glass and infinitely breakable. He tasted so good after it had been so long. Akuma drew him closer, trying to grasp the feeling so it couldn't slip away. The neighbors started hooting.

Akuma sighed. Suguru laughed.

"This is going to be difficult," Akuma warned. Suguru nodded happily. "I want to meet this Uesugi guy to make sure that he's good enough for you." Suguru continued nodding. "If you do it with him, I want pictures to drool over." Suguru stared. Akuma smirked. He thought that would get Suguru's attention. "I'm going to have to go back to Japan now, aren't I."

Suguru smiled. "Actually, I have a concert in New York City. You're welcome to come along."

Akuma frowned. "Just this once."

--

_Don't turn away_

_Don't give in to the pain_

_Don't try to hide_

_Though they're screaming your name_

_Don't close your eyes_

_God knows what lies behind them_

_Don't turn out the light_

_Never sleep, never die_

Tenshi adjusted the microphone slightly as the crowd roared at his appearance. "If those in my American following know me at all," he said in very accented English. "Than they know that I dislike introducing myself to the crowds." The crowd yelled in appreciation and Tenshi was fairly sure that over the noise he heard some fangirls going on and on about their 'beloved bishonen.'

He threw a glance to Akuma as if to say 'sure you don't want to back out now?' Akuma just smirked.

"Well, I'm not going to talk to the crowds tonight. Akuma is."

There was silence as Akuma stepped up to Tenshi and the spotlight flooded the microphone, revealing both of them to the light for the first time. Then the crowd _screamed_.

Tenshi grinned and, backstage, Tatsuha smiled.

_Servatis a periculum_

_Servatis a maleficum_

It certainly wasn't going to be easy, but if he could see Suguru smile like that more than once, than he would do anything. He was willing to bet that was one thing he and Akuma agreed on.

Maybe this was the beginning. Maybe this was the beginning of Suguru's smile.

_owari_

--

_Holy shit. Holy... It's... oh. It's... done. (sobbing quietly) I don't know how this happened. I wrote it in one sitting. It took two hours. I listened to Evanescence the whole time. Oh. Wow. Servatis a periculum, servatis a maleficum, is what plays at the end of Evanescence, latin, and it means "save us from danger, save us from evil"_

_Miroyuki Aoitsuru actually came from my original fiction, and I needed someone anyway, so... Oddly enough, he's a side character in that too. Love 'im though._

_Um... what do I do now? I'm writing a YGO fic, so if you watch that show or read the manga or whatever, go read it. And review. I might write a sequel. Do you want a sequel? Tell me if you do. I'm still considering. If there is one, if it's a CD-fic, it'll be the CD Getting Away With Murder by Papa Roach. So tell me, and review and stuff. There will most likely be an Akuma one-shot out soon._

_It's over... I'm still in shock. Wow. I'd like to thank the reviewers, and the computer who so kindly chose to work long enough for me to post this, and... Hehehe. I'm redoing Fallen Angel (I've already done the first two chapters), but I won't rewrite it since I can see so clearly how I got better as it went along. I'll just re-format it a bit. Try and give me seventy-seven total reviews, why don't ya? My lucky number is seven, you know. Or an even hundred. That'd be funny, though doubtful. Try and prove me wrong._


End file.
